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Jan. 21st, 2011

Heechul airport

7. Family is?

Ahh, this is... Family is...?

Honestly? Or considering what should be right? Or how I feel?

Okay, honestly. To me family is people who share the same blood or a bit of the same blood as me. It doesn't really matter, as long as we're blood related, we're a family. Even if I hate them or so.

But... in my opinion, personal opinion. Family does not bound to those who share the same blood, but those who are willing to love and take care of you as a someone close. I consider some of people that aren't blood related to me as a family, because I love them just like that. However, I'm the type to ask first if they feel the same way.

Family is so... complicated sometimes though :[

My family:

[blood related]
Mom: Masitah
Siblings: Taera, Seoyoon, Nabil, Amirul, Naufal
[not blood related]
Siblings: Putera, Shizukai, Lexy

no, it's not like i dont have a dad. it's just that i cant accept him... anymore.

(list of questions/topics)

I just started my Bachelor Degree program. And I'm taking Bachelor In Medical Science. Long way to go to become a doctor.

Jan. 15th, 2011

shikkie ohhh


uhhh... specially made for ZE:Anniversary /cries
I know it's bad... God, my first time ever coloring anything digitally.
and my first time after 3 years of not drawing anything at all.
Junyoung, please forgive me ;A;

anyway, still sharing coz it's still my artwork no matter how ugly it is haha



Jan. 6th, 2011

Queen Heechullie

Close Enough

Title: Close enough
Author: Ila Way!
Fandom: ZE:A
Pairing: HeeShik [of coz xD]
Rating: PG
Genre: Romance
Disclaimer: I don't own Heechul, Hyungshik, Kevin or any of ZE:A members but I do own the right to love them ;]
Close Enough

Hyungshik stared at calender for what it's like 30 minutes already. "I... can't believe it's 2011 already..." He pouted and let out a pathetic sigh. "Why must it be 2011? Why it isn't 2010? No way..." He was talking to himself but the way he was holding the calender looks as if he was talking to it. He then set the Park Hyoshin calender to the side, reaching out for his big white teddy bear that Minwoo gave for his birthday slowly, as if not wanting to hurt the fluffy thing.

He hugged the teddy bear and laid down on floor, closing his eyes. His mind was running away from the reality and he just hated the fact that it's already 2011. Heechul raised a brow, witnessing the whole thing from his spot, now ignoring the book he's reading. The scene of Hyungshik rolling on the floor with the huge teddy bear was much more interesting than the book and when Hyungshik accidentally knock his head to the wall, Heechul laughed terribly happy, making the younger glare at him.

"Hyung~~~ Stop laughing~," Hyungshik gave up. Because apparently his glare doesn't affect Heechul at all and Heechul's laughs are freaking Hyungshik out. It looks like as if he was possessed or something.
Heechul can feel his tears coming out. The look on Hyungshik face when he hit the wall was so freaking funny, it hurts his stomach to be laughing this much. "T-that that that is soo f-fun-funny wuahahahahahahahaha!"

"Hyung~! Stop." He somehow hated that look on Heechul's face. The way his mouth was open, throwing laughing fits with that loud, cracked voice of his. The way his nose crinkle up and cheeks going up so high, it's almost ridiculous that he looked like some sort of cat-fox breed with his eyes closed, tearing up like it's painful to laugh so much. And that way blood started rising up to Heechul's face, creating soft blush with his hands holding his stomach, curling up, wait... why is he staring at Heechul with his mouth open like that? He was supposed to be mad at him, damn it.

He called out Heechul's name again, "Heechul hyung~" He pouted and made big teary eyes, in attempt to get Heechul attention. Heechul stopped for a while, but then he started laughing again, rolling on floor like an idiot. "Ah~" Hyungshik give up and he just watched his hyung laughing on floor boredly, hugging the big teddy bear again, peeking from it.

This would be amazing if Kevin would come and kick Heechul for making fun of him, Hyungshik thought. But then again, Kevin is out dating with Minwoo so that's not going to happen. Heechul's laugh started to become less loud, and he started toning it down, feeling now a little sorry to the big boy hiding behind the big teddy bear. He let out some laugh, "Ah haha... Shikkie-ah, come here." He made a hand gesture and Hyungshik threw the teddy bear to the side to go to his hyung. Heechul pulled Hyungshik into an embrace when he was close enough and still smiling, "Shikkie-ah, you're so cute. Even when you're being funny, haha!"

Hyungshik hugged back, tightening the hold so that Heechul will stop laughing, "Hyung, that's not nice. Laughing at me like that." Heechul felt the hold tighten, "Erk, S-Shikkie-ah, I'm I'm going to die if you ke-keep on tight-tightening your hold." Hyungshik smiled, "Suits you best." He soften his hold and tighten it back for a moment just hear Heechul scream. Somehow that scream sounded a little wrong and Hyungshik blushed, why is he thinking dirty at this time?

"Ah... that's better," Heechul breathe out when Hyungshik loosen his grip, spacing out a little. "Eh?" Heechul was a little curious as to why Hyungshik is spacing out but then he just thought that Hyungshik is being the stupid Hyungshik, so that doesn't really matter. He buried his face on Hyungshik's shoulder, damn, Hyungshik smells nice, Heechul thought. He closed his eyes and join Hyungshik's moment of spacing out, feeling a little tired and now a little sleepy. Hyungshik's body gave him a little too much comfort and warmth, and Hyungshik's nice smell is lulling him to sleep.

He thought, Hyungshik wouldn't mind, would he? For being his personal pillow all the time. His hand slowly fell down, from Hyungshik's back, now resting on his hips. Hyungshik was pulled out from his spacing out, when he felt Heechul's hand went down. He held his breath and his eyes widened, why is Heechul touching him all of sudden? And at this time too. He can feel Heechul's breath on his neck, slow and steady. His neck had goosebumps and he slowly pushed Heechul onto the bed. Heechul didn't give any protest, so Hyungshik thought he is in the mood as well.

Until he saw the man he was about to make love with, sleeping with his mouth open.

'That's quick!' Hyungshik thought miserably, sweat dropping.

A/N: No no no! This was supposed to be perverted but xD The perverted part was shy, that's why it made Heechul sleep. Anyway, this is written for the new heeshik  community @ LJ~ Sorry, I fail. Coz it's super short Dx /run away before someone brick her

Dec. 31st, 2010

sleeping woo

Too Late First Remix

Title: Too Late First Remix
Author: Ila Way!
Fandom: ZE:A
Pairing: HeeShik, KevShik, HeeWoo, HeeWan, one sided TaeChul
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Romance/Angst? (a little...)
Disclaimer: I don't own Heechul, Hyungshik, Kevin or any of ZE:A members but I do own the right to love them ;]
Too Late First Remix

Minwoo let Heechul go with a heavy burden in his ever silent possessive heart. He huffed and watched Heechul's back walking away from him and Taehun and he just can't fight the feeling of sadness that crept slowly into him.Even though he knew that he would see Heechul again, it's just a matter of time, but it still hurts to see Heechul walking away, the growing distance between them feels like a sharp sword pointed to him. Because a part of him knows that in the end it will be like that. Only that in the end Heechul will never come back. He watched Heechul's back slowly disappearing before Taehun pat his shoulder, asking for his attention. He tore his gaze away from the disappearing man and look at Taehun who just gave him a signal to move on with his eyes. He walked away from his spot, accompanied with Taehun since their way back home is in the same direction. He was staring at the road he walked on the whole time, not knowing what to say in their walk. Taehun is Heechul's best friend, he noted but he never really talk to him. Maybe because he was always too occupied with Heechul every time he met him.

Taehun looked at the boy walking beside him. He doesn't really know Minwoo, he only know him as Heechul's second approved lover. Or is it second official lover? Minwoo is a cute boy and he has that look that Heechul likes. From the soft brown hair, to his slim figure, definitely Heechul's type. But there's one thing that he can't understand. He knew Minwoo is Hyungshik's best friend. And he knew Minwoo knew perfectly about Heechul's and Hyungshik's love relationship. But why is Minwoo still having relationship behind Hyungshik's back? He wondered for a minute but then a protective side of him surfaced. He nodded his head slightly and stopped on his track.

"Minwoo, if you don't mind, can I ask you something?" asked Taehun. He put his hands into his pockets and waited for Minwoo's reply.
Minwoo stopped on his track too and looked at Taehun, "Yes, of course, hyung." Minwoo didn't have much in his mind that time, he was just lost in staring at the seemingly endless road.
Taehun let out an easy breath, "Why are you with Heechul?" He knew his question is a bit rude but he needed to know.
Not catching the actual question, Minwoo replied, "Why? Of course because I love him." He sent Taehun a confused look and Taehun just scratches his head on that.

Taehun thought for a while, on how to ask him properly and how to satisfy his curiosity too. After what it seemed like 5 seconds, he took a deep breath, "No, I mean, why are you still with Heechul when you know you're the second guy? Heechul doesn't even pay attention to you as much and he only admits Hyungshik as his boyfriend."
Somehow that sounded a bit harsh on Minwoo's ears than Taehun would have expected. Minwoo looked away from Taehun and start staring at the amazingly same road again. "Oh... I thought you never mind about stuff like this since it has nothing to do with you." His heart was a little touched, in a sad way, when he replied that. He knew that wasn't the reply Teahun wanted but he just didn't want to tell him why. Because it is definitely none of Taehun's business.
Not satisfied with the lousy answer, Taehun asked again, "Why are you doing all these? You know one day he'll walk away and hurt you in the process." He sympathized Minwoo. He knew perfectly that one day Heechul will ditch the boy like nothing ever happened. It has happened before. Heechul sometimes doesn't give damn about what others are feeling.
Minwoo look up again, abandoning the road he has been staring at and stared at Taehun into the eyes, "It doesn't matter, I'm prepared for that. As long as he stays by my side for now, it doesn't matter. I just want him to look at me. It doesn't matter even if it hurts." His heart feels like it's been scratched brutally now. He meant each and every of his words but he suddenly feel melancholic and a little scared. He is not ready for that yet and he wished Heechul would stay with him until he hates to be with Heechul. Which means forever because he didn't think he can ever hate Heechul no matter what Heechul would do to him.

"But that's just so wrong. You shouldn't do this, Minwoo." He can see that Minwoo was hesitating a little, maybe about this whole thing and Taehun just feel like Minwoo shouldn't continue this. It would hurt Minwoo more than he can ever imagine.
Minwoo snapped when he heard that. What does Taehun know about him? Who is him to tell him it's not right? "What do you want me to do then? Watching him from the back, from afar and never let him know how I feel? No, that would hurt me even more. I want him. I want him to look at me. I want him to kiss me and tell me he loves me even if he lied about it. At least I still have him in that moment." He feel like his heart is going to burst. This talk has made him agitated and he felt insecure when Taehun bring this up.
"Don't you feel guilty when you see Hyungshik?" Taehun asked again. He can see Minwoo's expression changed when he said Hyungshik's name. He knew Minwoo feels guilty. "He trusted you as his best friend." Taehun wanted to add more on that but he didn't have the heart when Minwoo look like he was about to cry and frustrated.
"What do you want me to do?" Minwoo cried. Really, what should he do? Is there anyway to turn this right? "I... I can't help it. I'm so in love with him. People said there's no justice in love and war. I know I'm wrong but I deserve any chances I can get. And Heechul is happy when he is with me. Why do you have to care?" He turned away, not wanting to see what Taehun will react for his next words, "I know you loved him too. I know just by the way you look at him. I know all of those concern aren't just because he's your friend, hyung. I can see it."

Minwoo ran, leaving Taehun speechless with what he just said. He just can't stand it anymore. All the questions are hurting him deeply. He knew it all. He knew he was wrong for being the reason of Heechul cheating behind Hyungshik's back. He knew he was wrong in all of this but even when everything seems so wrong, there is still one thing that's right. He knew Heechul is happy spending the time with him. He felt his tears slowly fell. Fuck, why is he crying? This is so unlike him. He ran and ran, not aware of where he is going. All of Taehun's words are playing in the back of his head like a broken record and he hates that. He already spent too much time thinking about the same exact question Taehun just asked. Every time he's with Hyungshik, the questions and the guilt never leave him. Only when he's with Heechul, everything just seem so right. Only when he's with Heechul alone. He tried to stop his tears from falling and he wiped it with his hand. He didn't notice the rock on the road so when he step on it, he lost his balanced and tripped, falling on the harsh black tar brutally.

He ignored the pain and pull himself up. It hurts freaking much, the fall had his elbow and his knee getting cuts. He looked at his side, there was a park but there's nobody there. Probably because it's getting late in the evening. The birds are leaving too, casting moving shadows on the ground. He pull himself forcefully to one of the bench there and sat there, examining his wounded leg. He sighed at the sight. Why is he so clumsy? Now both of his heart and his body hurts. Maybe this is what he have to endure for loving Heechul. He let out an awkward laugh at the thought. Is this karma? What more will happen to him if he keep on being stubborn in loving Heechul? He didn't know. No, he don't want to know because he just don't want to care about it. No matter what happens, he will stay stubborn. He will always love Heechul. Not even karma can scare him now. His heart was screaming and he was frustrated. He let out a scream in the open air, "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" When he lost his breath and can't continue the long scream, he coughed. He depleted too much air from his lungs, it hurts now. He tried to catch his breath and that's when he saw him. His black knight.

Taehun just watched Minwoo running away from him. He shakes, how did Minwoo... How did Minwoo knew he loved Heechul? He thought no one knows. He had been Heechul's friend for too long, no one ever know that secretly he loved him. But why? Why does Minwoo know and more importantly, how? How did he know? He was good at keeping his feelings. He was hurt so much every time Heechul had relationships with other people, he had gotten used to it. He... don't want Heechul to know his feelings. He is the opposite of Minwoo, he never had the courage to honestly tell Heechul what he's feeling. He took the step of just watching him happy because when Heechul is happy, a warm happiness will surround his heart. Even though sometimes it hurts but when ever he see Heechul smiles, he would smile too. What matters more was Heechul and not him. He stared at the same road Minwoo was staring at earlier. Maybe, Heechul broke more hearts than he ever know.

Heechul slammed the door behind him. His hands are shaking, his heart was pounding and he didn't know what to do so he walked away. Away from Hyungshik, away from their home, away from his nightmare. He, trusted Hyungshik with all his life. He, trusted Hyungshik will never cheat on him despite of what he have been doing all this time. He thought he knew Hyungshik. He thought Hyungshik is innocent but he guess nothing in this world is not tainted. Nothing in this world is so innocent after all. Not even Hyungshik. He just walked away from their shared apartment and walked mindlessly to just somewhere he didn't even care to know.

For the first time in his life, his heart ache so much he thought that it would explode in any second.

For the first time in his life, he loved and believed someone with all his heart, body and soul and guess what happens? He was broken.

Heechul laughed. He felt so stupid. He feel so stupid to ever love someone as deep as he loved Hyungshik. He should have just be who he was before. His cold, selfish, sadistic self who cares and loves no one. How come Hyungshik changed him so much? If he was the one he was before, this heart, wouldn't hurt as much. He could just ignore what Hyungshik have done and just live normally. But he couldn't do that. This new hurting feeling is too much for him to handle. He just don't know what to do. The air is so cold. It hits him that he even forgot to bring his sweater along. No, maybe this cold air could help freezing his aching heart. Maybe it's good to torture himself in this cold. Maybe that's just what he needed for now. He walked, dragging his feet while staring on the road he walked on. His body started to get weak with every step or is it just that he started to feel numb? Maybe it's the cold air killing his senses. He was lost in his own mind when he heard a loud high pitched voice calling his name.


He look up to see a figure running towards him. Minwoo. But something was off, the way Minwoo ran looks weird. Then he saw the blood and he sighed. Minwoo must have tripped again, he noted at the back of his head. Sometimes Minwoo is just too ignorant that he gets a little clumsy. He stayed on his place and let Minwoo embrace him. Minwoo is warm, he thought. Minwoo was happy to see his lover at the park. His aching heart just healed like that when he saw Heechul, his one and only love. Now his heart started to beat faster again as he hug the love of his life. And Heechul's pat on the back just calmed him, and made him forget about all that just happened before. He even forgot about his pain on his cuts. The wind suddenly stopped flowing and that moment, it feels like time stopped for them.

Heechul was the first one to let go. He looked at his lover. His heart voiced out, who is Minwoo to him?

Minwoo stared into Heechul's eyes. There's something off in there. Minwoo pouted, "Heechul-ah, is there something wrong?"
Heechul's mind wandered on the question. Who is Minwoo to him? Who is Hyungshik now? Who is Taehun? Who is Kevin? Who is everybody? He is confused. He just suddenly feel so confused. It's like he can't make or understand anything. It's like his world is starting to dissapear.

Not getting any answer from Heechul, Minwoo asked again, worried, "Heechul-ah, are you okay?"

Just suddenly those questions changed into something so distorted in his mind. He can hear himself asking, 'Hyungshik-ah, are you okay?' and the image of Hyungshik appeared. His scared eyes, his trembling body, his tears. What have he done to Hyungshik? His eyes widened, he was shocked for a moment and his anger just suddenly gets into him back. He pushed Minwoo to the nearest wall, trapping him in between his body and the cold hard wall. Minwoo yelp at the sudden push and closed his eyes when his back hits the wall. Heechul stared into his second lover's surprised expression. Minwoo opened his eyes again to see a stare directed at him. He frowned and continued call his love's name, "Heechul-ah." Just as soon as those words left Minwoo's lips, a kiss was planted. Heechul didn't know why he kissed Minwoo, maybe it's just a habit of him or maybe he just wanted to kiss him, he never know but the kiss silenced Minwoo out. Minwoo was a little shocked at that but he just closed his eyes and kissed back.

When he felt Minwoo kissing him back, he pulled out. Minwoo was shocked when he suddenly pull away and his eyes were begging for an explaination Heechul couldn't offer. He let go of Minwoo and turned his back. Minwoo's eyes widened at Heechul's act and he grip on Heechul's hand. He had a bad feeling and his heart started to beat even faster. "H-Heechul?" Heechul didn't turn around to meet Minwoo's eyes, "Let go." He said coldly, voice deep in his throat. Minwoo heard it but he gripped on even tighter, "W-what's wrong, Heechul? D-did I did... something wrong?" Minwoo was scared, a bad feeling stayed inside him, a feeling that tells him that Heechul will leave him. No, please, don't leave him. Heechul just walked away, ignoring Minwoo's question. Minwoo's hard grip on his hand causes the younger to be dragged too and Minwoo kept on asking, if he did something wrong, if there's something wrong, what's wrong and Heechul kept on ignoring. His mind suddenly went blank, he didn't want to think, he didn't want to talk, he didn't want to answer.

Minwoo didn't give up, he was crying, he was begging now for answers, it's almost heartbreaking but Heechul didn't even spare him a look. Heechul himself didn't know why he ignores Minwoo, Minwoo was loud to his hear, and he tried everything to grab his attention. His mind was just blank. A pure white nothingness. Maybe it's just that he just don't want to think. Because everytime his brain works, Hyungshik keeps on appearing, his lies, his tears, his own wrongdoing to Hyungshik, Minwoo, Kevin, his own lies and it hurts his head so, he just don't want to think. He pushed away everything that would bring him to Hyungshik. Even Minwoo's crying voice, Minwoo's tears, Minwoo tight hold on to his hand. "Heechul... Hee... L-look... at me... Why are... why are you... doing this? Look at me... please..." cried Minwoo. He lost his mind, he was scared. He didn't know why Heechul is ignoring him like this. It felt weird. This never happen before and Minwoo can't understand a thing. He can't understand what is he doing, he can't understand why is he crying and why is he holding on like Heechul's going to die.

Minwoo ignored the pain coming from his bleeding leg and sprinted to cut Heechul from walking more. He hold Heechul as he stopped him, looked into his eyes and hugged him, letting Heechul feel his beating chest. "H-Hee... Heechul-ah... Please... Stop..." He sobs, he can't breathe well, and his words are stucked in between his breath. He felt his head getting heavy, his eyes getting puffy and worst the pain just feel even more painful. His eyes were on Heechul's set of cold eyes. They seems empty, they seems lost and worst, they seem cold and depressed. They look even colder than the winds blowing on their face. Heechul stopped on his track and just stared into the desperate eyes of Minwoo, mind still blank. But when he saw Minwoo's tears running down, his brain autmaticly ran to Hyungshik. An image of Hyungshik crying because of him ran through and he gets angry, suddenly. He pushed Minwoo away from him violently. Minwoo didn't expect to get pushed so hard by Heechul, he fell onto the road, hard. The fall makes his already wounded legs even worst but Minwoo didn't realized that yet. He was so shocked he only stared at Heechul, tears still falling. And the tears ran through the new cuts on his cheek, it hurts. The tears are mixed with blood, down to his chin.

"Stop following me. And don't touch me. Get lost," said Heechul, stern, warning Minwoo off.

That was something that Minwoo never saw. He has never seen this side of Heechul because Heechul never treated him like this before. And that shocked him so much, he couldn't even speak. He didn't move. Well, even if he wanted, he couldn't, his legs would give away with that wound. So he just watch Heechul walk away, leaving him on the road helplessly in pain and heartbroken. He watched Heechul's back slowly fade away from his vision. He forgot to breathe and when Heechul was far enough, did he realized that he hasn't been letting out any air. He coughed out, and take air back into his lugs, his tears started falling again. His vision turned blurry and he started crying again, like a kid when Heechul is totally lost from his sight. His chest heaved in and out, eyes still wide and watery. He can't believe what had just happened. He can't believe that Heechul just asked him to get lost.

Minwoo shook his head. No, this is not happening. His heart fucking hurts right now. His legs too and his hand. Everything hurts so fucking much and he just can't believe that this is happening.

Heechul walked away, not even sparing a glance at Minwoo. He didn't look back, his eyes was fixed onto the road, once again and he walked aimlessly, mindlessly. He walked until the sun is fully set, the sky went dark. The birds are all gone, back to their nests and the road started to become alive again as his legs brings him to the center of the town, where the shopping malls, clubs and theme park are. He wasn't aware of his surrounding until a running boy bumped to him, knocking him on road. He glared at the boy and the boy bowed down with a scared 'sorry'. The boy then ran away, afraid of Heechul's laser beamed eyes. Heechul looked around, to his left was a nightclub and its open. Mindlessly, he walked in but he was stopped by the bodyguard. He was about to glare when someone tap him on the shoulder and smiled at the bodyguard. The bodyguard magically let them both in and Heechul turned around to see who's helping him.

A beautiful man smiled at him. And he smiled back, a little, though in an arrogant manner, "It's you." The man smiled again and replied, "Why? Didn't expect me to be here?" Heechul cocked his eyebrow and turned around, "Nope, never thought about anything of you." He was rude but he didn't care. He walked across the dance floor, ignoring his savior. He can feel the beat in his blood, it's a good beat but now his legs are bringing him to the bar. Maybe he needed some drinks before going on to the dance floor. Might get some mood lift a bit and forget about all the problems in his head. Then he could dance. He sat there, ordering some random drink he saw on the list just because he just don't wanna think. Then somebody sat next to him. A girl, around Hyungshik age, with permed hair and hazel eyes. Heechul shrugs, that must be eye contacts. The girl was about to touch him to have his attention when a guy suddenly asked her to sit somewhere else because he claimed that it's his seat and Heechul is his lover.

The girl walked away, not wanting to have a fight with a guy and Heechul looked back at the same man who had helped him earlier. "Since when am I your boyfriend?" asked Heechul. It didn't really bother him actually but he just wanted to bitch out. Helps in making him better.
"Just wanna shoo her away," replied the guy coolly. Heechul looked away when his drinks came and concentrated on looking at the glass. For some reason, he has no interest in anything today and the glass just suddenly look interesting. He was lost in his little empty world when a hand touched his arm, asking for his attention. He took a sip of his drink and looked at his right.
"Heechul," the man called.
"What do you want, Siwan?" he asked in an irritated voice. He gave Siwan a little glare, as if warning Siwan to not talk to him anymore but it seems that Siwan quite didn't catch it. Siwan smiled when he heard that.
"Oww, you know my name. I thought you never notice me." Siwan laughed at his own words and Heechul just gave a bored look before he replied, "Of course, your my chess club president." He took another sip and tried to forget. He wanted to forget everything and slowly, his mind went away.

Siwan just smiled when Heechul drank his shot. He was staring at him as Heechul kept on drinking, ordering more when his glass is empty. He just watch Heechul getting drunk, slowly. He knew Heechul was trying to forget something and he was glad he's there to watch him. Not wanting to bother Heechul losing himself, he just stared and smiled sometimes, creeping the bartender out. The dance floor was almost packed with people, dancing. Some are making out shamelessly while the other some are just enjoying themselves. When he thought Heechul was poisoned enough, he touched the others' arms and come closer to him. He whispered to Heechul, "Let's have fun..." Heechul looked back at him, eyes drowsy and out of focus. Siwan smiled and drag Heechul out of his seat and to the dance floor. He moved with the beat, sending Heechul glances and smiles, but Heechul didn't follow his lead, he just stood there, watching him. Realising that this not going to work, Siwan pull Heechul's hand and bring him out, out of the crowd, out of the place, to his car. Heechul didn't protest, he just followed, since he wasn't even conscious actually. Half of his mind are sleeping and the other half didn't give any rejection so, he just followed Siwan to the car.

Heechul didn't seem to remember the rest of them. He only realized that he's in Siwan's apartment when he drank some water that Siwan gave. His head feels kind of heavy and he had slight headache. He sighed and tried to focus back, thinking how the hell did he got there at the first place but nothing comes out from his head. Siwan came up to him, sitting next to him and touched his face. He was a little shock at the contact, so he looked at Siwan. Siwan smiled, "Are you okay, Heechul?" Heechul ignored him and closed his eyes, trying to get his mind straight for a while. Siwan's hand caressed his cheek and then it fell down to his neck. The next thing he knew was there's a weight on his lap and his opened his eyes to see Siwan sitting on top of his lap. Siwan pull on his shirt and whispered, "Heechul-ah, forget everything and just be with me."

Then their distance is closed with a kiss from Siwan. A hand touched the back of his neck, caressing it, making his nerve relaxed and soon he find himself kissing Siwan back, wanting more touches from the other. Their kiss deepened, tongues battling one another and Siwan was satisfied, he finally get Heechul to himself today and he certainly want this to be more than a kiss. This has to be more than that. So, he takes off Heechul's shirt. Then, he takes off his. He kissed Heechul's neck, enjoying himself in appreciating Heechul's natural beauty. Heechul's skin was pale and it look so beautiful under the dim light. It look as if it glows and Heechul's face was a little red, creating beautiful blush across his cheek as he let Siwan do whatever he wanted with him, he didn't care now, what he wanted was more touches from the other and the other happily give him what he wanted. Curious hands wanders across his chest and it stopped there as long fingers touched his nipples, teasing it, hardening it with every circling rub.

Heechul let out a heavy breath when he felt mouth suckling on his skin. This feels good, he thought and when a hand left his nipple to go further down, he knew he didn't want this to stop. Siwan sucked on Heechul's skin, leaving a red mark and he smiled triumphantly when he sees it before proceeding to lick his way down to Heechul's milky chest. He liked the fact that Heechul enjoys his touches and that motivates him to pleasure the other more, more so that Heechul will remember this forever. His hand wander farther down, tracing, massaging Heechul's sexy abs greedily before cupping his crotch. Heechul let out a moan when a hand touches his crotch, rubbing it slowly and sensuously. A mouth clamped on his nipple, and he felt tongue licking his already hard nipple while the other nipple is pinched softly, in time of the mouth suckling and tongue licking.

Then, the hand left to unbuckle his belt, unbuttoning and unzipping his pants to release his caged hard on. Once his pants are off, his boxer were taken off too by a quick hand, exposing his hard cock for the other to see. Siwan pumped his dick, earning an appreciative moan from Heechul. He smiled at the size, this is going to be fun later, he thought. Siwan left Heechul's nipple to go down and look at his prize, it's exactly like how he imagined it to be, so perfect and inviting. He licked the tips of Heechul's cock and liked the sound Heechul made when he did that. Heechul felt blood rushing up to his head and down his crotch. His ears starting to get red and the blush are in deeper shade of red. He feels hot and when Siwan licked his cock all the way down to the base, his breath hitched and he find himself losing his sanity, wanting more from the other.

Smiling at his prey's reaction, Siwan started sucking the tips, loving Heechul's honest reaction. He can feel his own cock dripping, he wanted Heechul so much, he had to work this faster. He teased Heechul's already too excited cock, licking the slit, before taking more into his wet mouth, taking himself down and Heechul's cock deeper into his mouth. Heechul couldn't hold himself, the pleasure feels so damn good, he had involuntarily thrusted into Siwan's mouth, wanting it to go deeper in. Siwan let it go deeper, trying to take it all so he had to deep throated Heechul's dick. Heechul's mouth was open, he was moaning at the feeling. His hand went down from the holding on the couch to nests itself in Siwan's silky hair. He opened his closed eyes and peeked at what's happening down there. The image of Siwan trying to swallow his cock was too much, his dick twitched in excitement at the sight.

Just when Siwan thought he couldn't take it any further, he started sucking his way up and down Heechul's cock, head bobbing in attempt to pleasure Heechul out of his mind. And it worked, as Heechul's eyes shuts closed back. His head was thrown to the back and sharp moan escaped his throat, and to Siwan, nothing is better than seeing Heechul like that. Siwan was happy that he had made Heechul lose his mind so he smirked, before continuing to suck on it more, harvesting even more wild reactions and moans from Heechul. His free hand fondled Heechul's balls, caressing it softly, adding up more pleasure points to Heechul. At this point, Heechul has already lost his mind, nothing matters anymore other than that heavenly feeling of hot, wet mouth sucking him, bringing him closer to that euphoric pleasure. A hand tighten it's grip on Siwan's hair, it starting to hurt but he just let that go, it's not like he can do this everyday and he just didn't care at this moment.

"Nghh..." Heechul felt like the room has turned to a sauna, it feels so hot, he was sweating a lot. His rushing blood was heating him up but the pleasure down there made him feel as if this should never end, as he wanted to be lost like this, nothing could stop him from feeling like this. He felt his abs muscles contracted, as the tension gets higher. He was so close to reaching that point, he didn't realized that he had been pushing Siwan's head to go faster. Siwan could see that Heechul is nearing his end from his almost half abusive actions, so he complied to Heechul's silent order, fastening his pace. Accidentally, Siwan's teeth grazed the hard dick a little, up to the tips and Heechul let out a pained but pleasured scream. Siwan swirled his tongue in apologetic way and then he pushed the tips of Heechuls' cock before licking it hard. Heechul can't control himself and he cummed, shooting his white hot liquid into Siwan's ready mouth.

Heechul limped and tried to catch his breath while Siwan swallowed half of the cum, spitting the other half into his palm. He stopped for a while, admiring how sexy and beautiful Heechul looked after cumming. Heechul's eyes was still closed, his mouth was partly open, tempting Siwan to taste what's inside again. His chest was heaving up and down, sweat glistening, oh, this is the most perfect picture he had ever seen. He felt like snapping a picture of Heechul now but he knew that isn't a good idea so he had to forget about it. He went up again, to kiss Heechul's sweaty neck. "Heechul-ah, you look so sexy like this," he commented in a husky voice. Heechul smirked, his usual cocky smirk, the smirk that Siwan always love to see and Siwan smiled. Oh, yes, today is going to be the best day of his life. He looked at Heechul with eager eyes and Heechul relaxed himself, feeling more comfortable when his mind wander off a little.

He kissed more on Heechul's neck, finding the sensitive spot on Heechul neck curiously and eagerly before licking them when he found one spot, making Heechul moan again. When Heechul's breath was getting a little more steady and his chest wasn't going that fast anymore, he smirked, now he could continue. He suck on Heechul's sensitive spot, as his hand, that is holding the Heechul's cum earlier started to spread the cum on Heechul's dick, massaging it until its starting to get hard again. He heard Heechul's moan, it was starting to get louder so he pumped on Heechul's cock, trying to get it hard again. His mouth left Heechul's neck and he kissed Heechul. Taking the advantage of the open mouth, his tongue darted in, tasting Heechul, tongue caressing the other. Heechul wasn't really ready for another round but he find himself enjoying it anyway so he didn't put up any resistance as Siwan's quick hand pleasuring him continuously, in attempt get Heechul all needy for him again. And it didn't take long for him to have Heechul the way he wanted him to be. When Heechul started to thrust into his grip, he knew Heechul was ready.

He stopped abusing Heechul's neck and licked his way up to Heechul's lips, kissing him feverishly. Heechul brought his hand down, molesting Siwan's back on his way to Siwan's ass, slipping his hand into the annoyingly still there boxer. He cupped Siwan's ass and sqeeze it, making Siwan moan into kiss. His long finger played around Siwan entrance and when he inserted one finger in, Siwan jumped, a little surprised at the sudden intrusion. He can feel his cock twitching when he moaned excitedly to Heechul's mouth when Heechul's finger started to move, teasing him, hinting him for what's coming up next. He broke the kiss soon though and he pulled Heechul's hand out of his boxer as he sat on Heechul's thigh, still sending Heechul a look full with want. Heechul just watched him as he takes off his own boxer, revealing Heechul his own excited cock and Heechul couldn't help it but feeling like wanting to touch it and pump it, wanting to watch the pretty man on top of his go crazy but when he was about to grab it, Siwan stopped him.

"If you touch it, I'm not gonna last long," whined Siwan. "And I want this to be long." He brought Heechul's hand up to lips. He kissed those pretty fingers and licked it, before sucking it, turning Heechul even more horny at the sight. Siwan smiled when he saw Heechul's lustfilled eyes. He pulled Heechul's finger out with a pop. Biting his lips, he guided the well coated finger down to his entrance and stared at Heechul. Getting the hint, Heechul pushed two wet digits in, watching Siwan moaned at the intrusion. Siwan was beautiful to Heechul's eyes, he wonder why didn't he pay attention to this beauty before but then it's not like it matters anyway, what matters in now. He pulled his fingers out to push it back in, enjoying the visual feast that Siwan is giving as he moaned even more sexily and seductively, purposely to get Heechul to enjoy watching him and to make Heechul always turned on for him. Heechul started scissoring his way out and Siwan stared into his eyes with half open mouth, breathing rather excitedly as his hand started touching Heechul's abs, loving how it feels.

Heechul smirked before pushing his fingers in violently, teasing and Siwan curled his finger in reaction. Heechul then curled his finger inside, smirking even more when Siwan almost jump, almost screamed at the feeling of Heechul's fingers hitting his prostate. "You wan't me to hit it again?" Heechul asked arrogantly. Siwan nodded, "Y-yeahh..." he replied, breathily. Heechul takes his finger out and pushed it back in, hitting the same spot again. Siwan moaned, his eyes automaticly closed. Heechul just stayed like that, watching Siwan's reaction and when Siwan opened his eyes again, he licked his lips and Siwan couldn't resist himself from kissing Heechul again. When they parted, Siwan whispered to Heechul, "I'm ready. Fuck me." Heechul playfully finger fuck him, and he smiled when Siwan throw him an annoyed look. He just smiled evilly, "You just say fuck. You didn't ask for something else." Siwan glared at Heechul and Heechul laughed, Siwan look so pretty when he's angry. Siwan took Heechul's hand off his butt and pin it up above Heechul's head, "I want your... I want you, not your finger, Heechul."

Heechul smirked, "If you want it so much, then take it." Siwan stared at Heechul for a while, before kissing him for a short moment, biting Heechul's lower lips to show that he'll take it the way he want before spitting own his palm. He re-wet Heechul's almost cum dried cock and watched Heechul's face change when he forced Heechul's cock into the inside of his ass, admiring the size and enjoying the feeling of Heechul's cock slowly filling his ass up. It hurts, but his excitement override the hurting part as he continue going down, his muscles are stretched out and he can actually feel little cuts inside. He moaned when his ass cheeks hits Heechul's crotch, Heechul letting out a breath when he was fully seated. The warmth inside is already enough to make Heechul wanted to fuck Siwan mindlessly but remembering that he's playing a game, he just let Siwan get used to it first. Siwan then raise himself up, leaving Heechul's cock before pressing himself down again instantly. The pain made Siwan's eyes watery but he knew this will go away soon so he continued, repeating his action. Heechul knew instantly that Siwan doesn't have any experience so he stopped Siwan from moving, his hands holding Siwan's hips down, "You're a virgin, aren't you?"

Siwan's eyes widened at that, "H-how did y-you know?" Heechul smirked, "As I thought. Your face shows it all." He pull himself up, re-adjusting his position so that he's sitting, back against the couch and Siwan is still on top of him, adjusting to the change of position a little. He licked Siwan's ear shell, "You're so tight." Siwan shuddered at the feeling and he hold on to Heechul's strong shoulders, "T-that's because you're t-too big." Heechul chuckled and kissed Siwan's neck, "You're not happy with it? This is your first time, it might hurt." Siwan let out a gasp when Heechul pull out a little, "Just shut up and fuck me, Heechul." "As you wish, princess~" He slammed back in, minding to hit the sweet spot, making Siwan scream. Siwan shuddered, it's painful but it feels damn good, he wanted more but Heechul wasn't moving anymore. He opened his eyes, "Heechul..." he whined. Heechul bites his neck, "I'll let you control the pace. Pleasure yourself." The thought of it makes Siwan shudder, he pull himself up and went down again, slamming himself to feel the pleasure again and it worked, it feel as if the world is getting white and he find himself repeating the same action again and again, pleasuring himself like a little whore. Heechul liked that Siwan is obedient and is craving for him so he decided to help out, meeting Siwan with every thrust when he goes down, making Siwan go all nothing but mindlessly moaning at the raw pleasure he's feeling.

The tension gets higher and both Heechul and Siwan feel the need for the pace to go even faster than it already is, Siwan wanting Heechul to go even further. Heechul pushed Siwan to the side so that Siwan was laying on his back and he was on top of the unsuspecting boy. He raised Siwan's legs up to his shoulders, opening Siwan up fully before continuing to fuck him even more wildly this time. Siwan not being able to control the wave of intense pleasure, gripped on the couch tightly, fingers turning white as his body shook uncontrobably, hinting that he is near to that point. Heechul knew that Siwan was almost there, so he fucked Siwan senselessly, a little harder, also feeling that he is nearing the end. Their bodies are tangled together, Heechul giving out everything and Siwan now moaning incoherently, sweats mixing under the dimlight of the romantic harmony. Siwan forced his eyes to open, wanting to see the face of the man that he had been secretly loving in their love making. Heechul's face was wet with sweat, bangs clumped together, his blush was still there and Heechul stared back right into his eyes, making him melt into that beautiful eyes of Heechul.

He brought his hands up shakily to Heechul and touch his face, "Aa-I-I lo-love you." and he pull Heechul for another one last kiss before screaming in his throat as he finally reach his end, cum spilling all over Heechul's abdomen. Heechul felt Siwan's muscles tightening around him, he had to force himself in and out. He can feel his own orgasm few millimeters away so he pushed himself to get his turn. Siwan breathe out, body shaking when the last wave of his orgasm ended. He licked Heechul's neck, "Heechul-ah... Come for me... ngnhh" He sucked on Heechul's sensitive spot, hand feeling Heechul's back as he was fucked mindlessly by Heechul. Heechul's thrust was getting a little sloppy, his breathing was almost cut off, as the air are all stucked in his lungs and after half a minute, he came, jaws clenching as he was shooting his seed inside of Siwan. He then fell on top of Siwan, mouth opened now to replace all the oxygen that he had lost. Siwan caressed Heechul's back, smiling, satisfied with his first time sex. It was awesome and he regretted nothing. Heechul was perfect for his first time.

Heechul felt tired and when Siwan caressed his back, he felt somewhat relaxed. He rolled over a little so that he wasn't on top of Siwan anymore, afraid that he might fell asleep on top of the slim boy. When they are both side to side, Siwan smiled at him and he gave him a soft kiss on the forehead, then the lips. Heechul then closed his eyes, contented at Siwan's arms circling him. Warmth then lulled Heechul to sleep. And he was now in the other world, the world of dreams where he forgot everything and all about Hyungshik, all about Minwoo, in the world of his own, where there's nothing but him and the world.

The night was silent. The moon didn't even want to show up. Tears keep on escaping, it's like nothing can stop it from coming more. Hyungshik had been trying not to cry by trying not to think about anything but it didn't work. He would stop for a minute but then there's always something that would remind of him of the reality and his tears will involuntarily fall. His head hurts so much, it feels like his brain is bleeding and his eyes were bloodshot red and puffy. Hell, he look like shit and there's nothing he can do about it unless if he could stop crying. His throat and his body feels sore and cold. He hadn't been moving from his spot ever since Heechul left. His body was still exposed, it's cold but he was too afraid to grab at least the blanket, he just stayed there, hugging his legs, crying like there's no end. His lungs starting to hurt and it's starting to get difficult to breathe. He had never been like this. He had never felt so scared that someone might leave him before but now he is scared to near death that Heechul would.

He keep on telling himself that it's not his fault, Heechul was the one who started it and Heechul deserve it but his conscience keep on blaming himself for ever letting himself cheat back on Heechul. He should just confront him and not cheat on him but he was too hurt and scared to confront Heechul. He knew that he is nothing to Heechul's eyes even though he really wanted to believe that Heechul love him as much as he does. Heechul is perfect and he can have everything he wanted. Everybody was head over heels for Heechul's attention and he is just... he is just jealous sometimes when Heechul would look at the girls and the boys with that sparkling arrogant smile of his. He secretly wish that it was only for him, only for him to see and he secretly wanted Heechul all for himself.

And now he just screwed himself and he regretted it. Even though he knew it was him who wanted it at the first place, now he regretted everything he did with Kevin. He liked Kevin, or maybe love, he feels safe when he's with him but no matter how much he love him, that love can never rival his to Heechul. He doesn't know why but his heart just wanted Heechul so much. He cried, he hated this. He hated all of this. He hated himself, he hated Heechul but he... love him. He didn't understand. He wanted revenge before but now he just wish he never meet Kevin. He somehow wish that none of this are real and he wish that Heechul is sleeping next to him now, like how it should be. He felt like hurting himself but he knew Heechul would be mad when he comes back and he wanted nothing like that. He just wanted Heechul to come home now. He had started missing him. He wanted him back, close to him. He would forget about Minwoo, he would act like he know nothing. He just... want Heechul to come back now. Slowly, his eyes give out, and in the deep of the dark night, he fell asleep, still, hands hugging his own legs, face buried on his knees.

The next day, Kevin smiled when his alarm wakes him up. He feel so happy that morning when he remembered his dream. He was holding hands with Hyungshik at his house in Australia. Which means Hyungshik followed him there. And that dream was just perfect as Hyungshik kissed him and there was a silver ring on his finger. He looked at his and it was there too. Kevin shook his head, trying to get his goofy smile off but it didn't work. He smiled all the way to the bathroom, whistling happily. His mind then suddenly went off to what happened last evening. Hyungshik's kisses, Hyungshik's moans and his smell still lingers in his mind. He smiled, today will be a beautiful day. He could see Hyungshik a lot today since today they share the same classes. He is just so happy he just can't wait to go to the classes. After he was done in cleaning himself up and getting dressed, all looking fresh and cool, he went to kitchen to toast some bread before checking his bag, to see if all of his books are there.

When everything is done and he's finished with his little breakfast, just in case if that Jung Heechul decided to steal Hyungshik away again during their little one hour breakfast break, he went out, ready for school after he locked his apartment. He was one of the first student to arrive in class. He puffed his cheek a little, eyes wandering to see if Hyungshik is already there or no. Hyungshik always go to class early too but maybe not this time. He sat on his usual spot when he can't find Hyungshik anywhere in the lecture hall. He waited and waited, occasionally saying hi to everybody who walk pass through him. Then the reality hits him, after waiting for half an hour, the lecturer walks in and that when he give up. Hyungshik's not coming to the morning class today. Even though he didn't want to admit this but maybe Hyungshik is busy with Heechul. Heechul will join them at the second class so maybe Hyungshik will be there too. He smiled bitterly at this. Maybe Hyungshik had to skip morning class for Heechul. It happened before.

He spent the one hour break alone. It feels lonely because he missed Hyungshik so much now. After all that happened yesterday, he just fell even deeper in his love for Hyungshik. Maybe it was the kiss, maybe it was his moans or maybe it was everything about him that made Kevin crave for seeing him now. He wanted to see Hyungshik, he wanted to kiss him if he could, his heart demanded to at least see his smile for today. He sighed. Why is this one hour move so freaking slow? He stared into his watch, it's still early to go to the next class but maybe he should just go now. He didn't have the appetite to eat anything, he'll just wait for the lunch break even though that means he had to eat together with that Jung Heechul in a group. He rolled his eyes, maybe it wasn't so bad if he just concentrate on Hyungshik. Yeah. He could just ignore Heechul and concentrate on his food and Hyungshik. Minwoo doesn't hurt too, he thought. Taehun and Dongjun are good people too. It's only Heechul who spoiled the group.

So, he waited for the second time. It was boring so he closed his eyes and listened to his ipod while waiting. Until he heard people chattering gets loud suddenly. Which means Hyungshik is there with that Heechul. They are like idol couple in the campus, the girls love them and the boys wishes that they are them. He cracked his eyes open and looked at the entrance. As always, people crowding, saying hi to the campus idols but when the crowd faded, he can't see Hyungshik anywhere. There's only Heechul and... Siwan? latching on him a little with his pretty smile. He raised his brow. Did Heechul just came with Siwan? And where's Hyungshik? Heechul sat at the middle, his usual spot where everybody could see him, still wearing his usual arrogant look. Kevin's eyes widened a little when Siwan took the spot next to him, where Hyungshik was supposed to sit. That is weird, he thought. How the hell that Siwan get to sit there? Usually no one dare to sit there because everybody knows it's Hyungshik's place and since when Siwan is close to Heechul anyway? Eventhough he hated that man, he knew alot about him. Heechul never really talked to Siwan before, what he did was only ignore that pretty boy.

He wanted to go there and ask Heechul but he guess he'll wait. Suddenly, he gets a little worried. Is Hyungshik sick? Why is he absent? He find himself feeling uneasy with all this. He looked at Heechul again and he was shocked when Heechul treated Siwan a little too intimate for a new friend or something. Their hands are linked together, like how Hyungshik usually does and he swear that he saw Siwan giving that suggestive look to Heechul while put his hand on Siwan's thigh, making the girls go crazy. They... do look together, Kevin thought and secretly he wished that Heechul would be with Siwan, which leaves Hyungshik to be with him. But that's just a childish thought, there's no wat that would happen. He knew Hyungshik loved Heechul so much.

So, when the class ended, everybody went out hurriedly, stomach growling in hunger. Heechul just sat there, he was always one of the last to go out for lunch. He has that habit of just staying, and waited for a while before leaving the class. It always bother Hyungshik since Hyungshik gets hungry easily and sometimes Kevin feels like kicking Heechul out, he really shouldn't treat his boyfriend like that. Hyungshik will go all whiny, pulling Heechul to grab a lunch while Heechul will always ignore him, making Hyungshik all frustrated. He didn't see that comical scene today though, instead, Siwan trying to grab Heechul's attention by talking to him and Heechul, being Heechul ignores the poor Siwan. He sighed, he had to do this. He went to Heechul and asked, "Heechul, where's Hyungshik? Didn't see him at the morning class either."

Heechul's bored expression turns sour and he glared at Kevin, startling the older a bit. He didn't reply, he just glared. Kevin raised a brow, wondering what's up with him but he ignored the glare, getting it. He threw the paperworks on Heechul's table, "I've finished it. You wanna check it? You can send it Miss Kim after you're done." He was about to walk away when he heard Heechul hissed, "Just send it to her. I don't need to check it." He saw Heechul roll his eyes rudely. Oh, he really hate that boy. He turned back and took the assignment, determine to send it now since Hyungshik is not here so he doesn't have anything to do anyway. Siwan smiled at him as if asking him to forgive Heechul for being a brat and Kevin smiled back. He can see something sparkle in Siwan's eyes, it feels new. Siwan never had that sparkle in his eyes before, he is usually not very talkative. He went out, grabbing his cell phone from his pocket, dialling Hyungshik's number. He is still worried, especially when Heechul decided not to answer him. He waited for Hyungshik to pick up but Hyungshik didn't. While he was standing in front of his class, Taehun walked passed him, "Hey, Kev."

Kevin look up and when the call died once again, Hyungshik didn't pick up, he smiled to Taehun, "Hey there, Taehun."
Taehun didn't look too happy but he smiled anyway, "What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in the cafe already? I think Dongjun and Minwoo would most probably are already there."
"Oh, nothing, just trying to call Hyungshik since I didn't see him ever since this morning." Kevin laughed a little.
Taehun cocked his brow, "Hyungshik is absent? I was about to go search him and Heechul but since he's absent, that means, Heechul is too, yeah?"
"Oh, no. Heechul is inside but no Hyungshik though. I wonder where he is." Kevin let out his worried expression. Taehun patted his shoulder, smiling.
"I think he's just fine. Maybe slept a little late last night? Well, since Heechul is here, means nothing much going on." Taehun tried to assure Kevin that Hyungshik is alright but himself didn't know.
"I sure hope so..." Kevin sighed. "Okay then, I'll head to cafe first. You grab Heechul to come down." Kevin waved Taehun goodbye and he left for his lunch break.

He went downstairs and walked straight to the cafe, all in while trying to reach Hyungshik again by calling him but still no good result. When he was at their usual spot he spotted Dongjun and Minwoo already there. He smiled and waved to them. Dongjun waved back cheerfully while Minwoo waved a little. He seems sad and Kevin took the seat next to him, "What's wrong, Minwoo?" He noticed wounds on Minwoo's cheek, it made Minwoo looked like he had been punched or something.
Dongjun turned to him, "He won't tell me. I asked him too." Dongjun pouted a little and both of them looked at Minwoo. Minwoo look like he had been crying. His eyes are puffy. And he looked tired. Minwoo is one cheerful boy so when he suddenly become like this, it's weird and both Dongjun and Kevin are starting to get worried.
Not answering to Kevin, Minwoo just looked down. He was wondering if he could tell them. After all this is all so wrong. Can he tell them that Heechul didn't want him anymore? Maybe no.
Kevin patted his arm, "Minwoo? Are you okay?"
Minwoo flinched when a pressure went straight to his wound and Kevin noticed it. Kevin patted the same spot again and Minwoo's eyes widened, he bit his lips, not wanting let out any voice out. "Are you hurt, Minwoo?" Kevin asked.
Minwoo's eyes started to become watery and Dongjun started to freak out a little. "Minwoo, what's wrong?" asked Dongjun this time.
Tired with Minwoo being silent, Kevin pull up his sleeve. He was a little shocked to discover there are more wounds, and Kevin asked again, "What happened, Minwoo? Who did this to you?" He was angry now. Why is Minwoo being silent at this? And who did this to Minwoo?
It's not the pain that made Minwoo's tears fell but the question Kevin asked. He can't tell it was Heechul, could he? They will dwell more on it and eventually they will know all about his secret love relationship with Heechul. But he can't bring himself to lie. His tongue didn't want to move. Kevin wiped his tears away, "I'm sorry. But really, what happened, Minwoo? I'm worried."

Kevin sighed when Minwoo didn't answer again. Then suddenly Minwoo's eyes looked at something behind his back and tears started to fall even more. Kevin looked back to see Heechul, with Taehun and Siwan next to him. He looked back to Minwoo and he can see that Minwoo is looking at Heechul. Siwan was holding hands with Heechul and that fucking hurts Minwoo. So, now Heechul had his replacement, Siwan. That's why he left him. Siwan is prettier than him, he noted, maybe he deserve Heechul more but why is his heart hurting like hell now? But he couldn't say a thing. He was thrown away yesterday and Heechul told him to fuck off. He... didn't know what to do. Heechul just looked down at Minwoo and with his usual arrogant look, he sat on one of the seat, totally ignoring Minwoo. Siwan sat next to him, smiling to all of them. He looked happy, Minwoo thought. Of course he's happy, Heechul is his now. And he is... what? The toy that Heechul didn't want anymore. His hands shake. Kevin didn't seem to understand any of this. The way Minwoo is looking at Heechul is like his heart is broken by seeing Heechul with Siwan. But why?

Taehun was shocked to see Minwoo's tears falling. He didn't understand a thing either when he first saw how close Siwan with Heechul. It feels like he's seeing a pair of lovers but when he saw the way Minwoo look at Heechul, he thought he knew just what happened. Somehow, his heart was touched too, it hurts seeing Minwoo like that. He had warned Minwoo though. He had, but why is his heart hurting like this?

A/N: Sorry for the late update! Life traffic >,< OMG I feels so sorry for Minwoo and Hyungshik ;A; and Taehun too... just everybody except Dongjun for now. Uhm... are you guys sad too reading this? I think I just made myself sad writing this. And ahhh... yes, I think this fic is gonna be long... Dx Maybe 3 more chapters? Please don't kill me. /run away

btw... HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYBODY!!!! /give lots of kisses and hugs
and... Me and my friends did My Only Wish Cover and... /smiles brightly/ eventhough it's not good, coz we are actually stressed that time with all the scolding from my mom and dad... teaching those kids how to sing correctly... problem in recording and stuff... but... We made it LOL supposed to be posted for Christmas though kekeke

(my only wish was you~)

Dec. 25th, 2010

shikkie ohhh

[Secret Santa Fic] Love Letter

Title: Love Letter [For ichijo_rui, our Joonie~]
Author: Ila Way!
Fandom: ZE:A
Pairing: SiWoo
Rating: PG
Genre: Romance
Disclaimer: I don't own Heechul, Hyungshik, Kevin or any of ZE:A members but I do own the right to love them ;]


Love Letter

Kwanghee yawned watching the television. He wasn't really watching anyway, he just stared into it. There's nothing worth watching, probably because it's in the middle of the day, the afternoon and it's week days, the tv guy who runs the tv program would most probably think that no one is watching anyway. Children are at school and the adults are working at this hour. Siwan was reading a magazine, or more precisely, staring at a picture in the magazine, admiring the art of fashion. He was praising the design silently, he somehow thought it was really pretty and secretly wish that he could make such design and show it to the world too. He sighed when he Hyungshik and Minwoo ran across the living room, Minwoo chasing Hyungshik for ruining his picture. Hyungshik must have drawn things on Minwoo's picture again. That maknae love to do that, he remember having Hyungshik's arts on his newly bought magazine before. He was so mad because he didn't even read it yet but Hyungshik has turn it into... a disaster. He paid no attention to those two after a minute, knowing that it doesn't matter to him anyway. But seeing them running made Siwan realized that he'll never get to design like what he just saw in the magazine. At least not for now, he can only create looks for his bandmates and himself for now.

Dongjun came into the picture, just came back from his usual morning exercise time with Junyoung and Taehun, "Siwan hyung, there's a letter for you. On the table." Siwan look up from his magazine and Dongjun pointed to the table. There's a soft pink envelope on the table, with his name written on it. He wonder why he didn't notice that before. Dongjun just laugh at his facial expression and left for some water. He strecthed out and took the letter, wondering how it got there. Curious, he opened it slowly, taking out it's content. There's a picture of him and Minwoo on backstage, he recognize it was during their Haru Jongil days. He then flip it and like what he was expecting, there's a message on it. It says, "I love you. Please take care of your health, you seem tired these days." He smiled, fans are always so supportive and caring to them, it feels nice. But only that are written, no other message, no name and no signature from the sender. Oh well, maybe this fan didn't really care about letting him know she is so Siwan shrug that off. He set the letter back into the envelope and put it in between his magazine pages before leaving Kwanghee to watch the tv alone.

He went to the kitchen, searching for some water and he spot Dongjun drinking some coke so he asked for some too. Dongjun gave him a can of coke and Siwan asked him, "How did the letter end up on the table?" Dongjun looked at him and replied, "It was glued to the door when I opened it this morning. Since it has your name on it, I just put it on the table." Siwan wonder how it got into the door but knowing that Dongjun wouldn't know how too, he just kept it to himself, not wanting to make an useless inquiry. He left the kitchen then, with his coke and set himself on his seat that he just left just now. Minwoo, who had gave up on catching Hyungshik sat next to him, glaring at Hyungshik when Hyungshik walked passed the living room to go to the balcony.

Hyungshik laughed and ran to get his towel. Kevin and Junyoung had nagged on him so much to not forget his towel whenever he wanted to take a shower, he had to listen or else more nagging will come in his way. Siwan took the magazine back and opened the page he bookmarked with the letter to resume his reading. He set the letter on his thigh before giving all of his attention back to the magazine. Minwoo peeked into the magazine from his side and commented, "That's pretty but I think it'd be prettier if the color is softer."

Siwan looked back at the oldest maknae and nodded, "Yeah, I think the same too. Eventhough I like dark, natural colors more, I also think that would look better if the color is softer." He smiled, great, now he has someone to share his opinion with. Minwoo smiled back. "Hyung, are you into this style?" he pointed to a model in the magazine. Siwan look at the pointed model and nodded, "Yeah, this one is almost like my style." Minwoo smiled his bright smile, "Thought you'd be into this." Siwan definitely feel happier now when Minwoo is reading the magazine with him. He usually will sit there, reading his magazine quietly and Minwoo would either playing around with the other maknae or dancing or just glued to his lap top but today is an odd day and Siwan find himself liking it. They flipped the magazine, observing, commenting on some pictures in it. Eventhough Minwoo's style is a bit different, he likes vibrant colors and a little street style while Siwan like it more natural and sophisticated but it was fun to exchange thoughts. Kwanghee followed more than standing on his own personal taste, so it wasn't much fun exchanging thoughts with him.

The next day, he was the first to wake up. He didn't know why, he just can't really sleep. Even when he was sleeping last night, he can feel, he can hear what's going on in their dorm. It's like he is half asleep and because of that, he feels a little tired eventhough he had been sleeping, or half-sleeping for the past 6 hours. He went to the kitchen to grab some plain water and he spot a note on the refrigerator. He read it with half interest. It was from Yongil hyung, and the note was telling them that all of their schedules today are canceled. Siwan smiled at that. That means he can have extra time to rest himself. Eventhough he actually liked schedules, but today schedules are only meeting the president and new concept discussion so, he didn't mind those being canceled since it doesn't really involve fans or something. After satisfying his dry throat, he sat on the couch, staring at the blank tv. But then he felt a little tired so he lays down and slowly, unexpectedly, he just fell asleep there.

He woke up in shock when Kwanghee kissed him on the cheek. "Good morning, princess," said the older, giggling. Siwan glared at him and rolled his eyes, "Stop doing those things, it's disgusting, Kwanghee. Save your kisses for your girlfriend." Kwanghee pouted, "But there aint no girlfriend here, only boyfriends." Siwan sighed and fix his hair with his fingers, "Go get someone else to bother. By the way what time is it?" Kwanghee replied, "It's only 8 in the morning, you can go back to sleep if you want. We don't have schedule today." Siwan just nodded, he looked around and decided to go to the bathroom to wash his teeth and his face. It was then Minwoo came up to him, "Hyung, you have a letter~" He handed a soft yellow envelope with Siwan's name on it to Siwan before disappearing to jump on Hyungshik. Siwan stared at the envelope absentmindedly. Then he opened it, little curiosity taking over him. There's a picture of him and Minwoo again. He flipped the picture to see the message and it only says, "You should rest well." and that's all. Like yesterday's letter, it doesn't say anything about the sender or anything.

Starting to get even more curious, he forget what he was supposed to do and went to Minwoo, who was playing with the sleepy Hyungshik, annoying the younger. "Minwoo, where did you get this?" Minwoo stopped torturing Hyungshik and look up to Siwan, "That? Uh, at the front door, why?" Siwan frowned, so it was sent the same way too. "Nothing, just wondering." Siwan left them both, though feeling a little jealous to the two's close relationship. He somehow wished that he could be like them, secretly wished that he is Hyungshik. He walked away and set the yellow envelope on his bedroom table. Kwanghee was bothering Junyoung but Junyoung didn't seem to mind, he just ignore. Siwan smiled at that, Junyoung is always the best in dealing with people. Maybe that's why he is perfect for the leader position even though Siwan always thought he has more leader material. He jumped a little when a hand touched his shoulder, before Minwoo appears into his sight. He gave a questioning look and Minwoo smiled, "Hyung, since today's schedules are off then why don't we both go shopping together?"

"Shopping?" Siwan asked back. He didn't expect that from Minwoo, since Minwoo always go shopping with either Taehun or Hyungshik.
"Yes, shopping~ I wanted to buy presents for Christmas!" said Minwoo cheerfully.
Oh, yes, Christmas, how could he forget? They were busy promoting their Love Letter album, for the past 3 weeks for Christmas and now he can't believe that he just forgot about Christmas. He would like to blame that on his job, his managers, and his boss for not allowing them all to go back home for Christmas. So he kind of forget that Christmas is still there eventhough he wouldn't be able to go back home and celebrate it with his family. He cursed himself silently and nodded to Minwoo, "Yeah, let's go shopping today."

Minwoo jumped in happiness and they agreed to go shopping at 2, Siwan resuming to do what he was supposed to do after promising to Minwoo that he would help Minwoo buying presents for the other members. In the bathroom he heard Hyungshik whined for not being able to join Minwoo for his shopping trip with Siwan. Siwan just smiled, somehow he like that Hyungshik will not tag along. Then, it'd be only the two of them.

It was fun going out with Minwoo, though Siwan had to admit, this boy has so many energy inside. Minwoo was hyper all the way, now Siwan know why Heechul hates going out with Minwoo. Heechul is a bit lazy sometimes, and he dislike spending his time for these kind of things. Heechul enjoys his sleep more than going out or to shopping. Sometimes he even missed his meals because he just chose to sleep rather than eat. "Hyung~ What should I buy for Junyoung hyung?" Minwoo suddenly asked. Siwan thought for a while, "Hmm, I'm not sure. You're closer to him, what does he likes?" Siwan asked back. Minwoo bit his lips. "Ungh, what does Junyoung hyung likes? Uhhh, Dongjun?" he laughed. Siwan laughed too. "Maybe you can put a red bow on Dongjun's hair and give him to Junyoung, saying Merry Christmas," Siwan joked. Minwoo laughed, "Then, I'll have to get a red bow?"

Minwoo ran to the girl's accessories section happily, in attempt to search for the red bow. Siwan couldn't believe that Minwoo actually consider the idea so he ran to Minwoo, "Are you serious?"
Minwoo just laughed, "Why not? I bet Dongjun would be so ashamed."
"I don't think it's good to prank people on Christmas, Minwoo." Siwan didn't like idea.
Minwoo smiled, "I know. I just wanna find something that looks kinda unisex here to give Hyungshik. He doesn't own much accessories. He eat too much, he doesn't have enough money to buy them."
"True," Siwan agrees. They both browsed through the section together, occasionally trying some thing on themselves. Minwoo took a necklace and put it on Siwan, then he smiled, "Hyung, you look pretty in that."
Siwan just smile shyly, "Thanks."
"I think I'mma get this for Hyungshik. Since it look good on you, it would look good on Hyungshik as well," said Minwoo sheepishly.
He didn't know why but when Minwoo's hand touched his neck, he felt electricity runs through him, he jumped a little. Minwoo realized that. Trying to cover it up, "Your hand is cold, Minwoo."
"Really? Haha, sorry, hyung~" he gave his cutest smile to Siwan, melting the older inside.

After paying for all the presents, Minwoo asked them to wrap them up on the spot. The shopping complex offer free gift wrapping service, since it's Christmas season and Siwan couldn't help but to adore this side of Minwoo. Minwoo is caring, in his own way and Siwan is glad that he knows that. As if Minwoo know what he's thinking about, he winked to Siwan and send his brightest smile. Siwan blushed at that, he wonder how can a person be so cute. Minwoo thought that Siwan look adorable with a faint blush on so he couldn't help himself from hugging the older. Caught off guard, Siwan didn't get to do anything, he was shocked and the hug only lasted for 3 seconds.He was stoned and when he realized that, it's already too late, Minwoo had already proceeded in taking all of the gifts.

They went back to their dorm afterwards. There was another letter glued on the door and it has Siwan's name on it. "Again?" Siwan took the letter and brought it in. It surprises them that no one is home. Minwoo chuckled, "They must have gone shopping too."
Siwan just nodded and let himself fall on the couch, sighing contentedly at the softness that welcomed his body. He took the letter and brought it close, examining it a little, it look almost the same, this time it's soft yellow again. He opened it and there was another picture of him and Minwoo playing around backstage. He smiled at this and he flipped the picture. There's a short message again, this time it says, "Thanks for shopping with me, hyung." Siwan stayed like that for a while, staring at the words. He tried to think. Hyung means, it's a boy and not a fangirl at all. And shopping?

Minwoo sat next to him after securing all the presents at a hidden place. He saw Siwan staring at the note for a while and then he pat Siwan's thigh, "Hyung?" he called uncertainly.
Siwan showed him the message and he asked, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
Minwoo place the picture on the table and asked, "What are you thinking?"
"It must be Dongjun." Siwan looked kinda sure about his guess and Minwoo's eyes widened, he can't believe Siwan thought it was Dongjun. Seeing Minwoo's surprised face, Siwan added, "He was the one who gave me the first letter. I think it's him. Plus, I always went out shopping with him." Siwan's eyes was shining, like a detective who just victoriously caught the culprit.
Minwoo sweat dropped at that, wondering just how Siwan's brain works. He was about to say something when Siwan added more, "Is he giving me letters until it's Christmas then? Minwoo what do you think?"

Instead of answering Siwan, Minwoo took something out of pocket. "I don't know, hyung. But I want to give you this." He handed another soft yellow envelope to his hyung.
Siwan took it and stared on it for a while. It's the same envelope again, he looked at Minwoo. Minwoo nodded, signaling him to open it. He opened the envelope and like the others, it has another picture of him and Minwoo. He smiled, "Hey, it's a picture of us, Minwoo." Minwoo smiled and he flipped the picture, there was a note, this time written in a familiar handwriting, "I love you, hyung. Will you love me back?" This time there's a name written down there, "Minwoo".
Siwan looked at Minwoo. Minwoo tried to avoid eye contact but after he gather enough courage, he stared back into those pretty eyes. Minwoo look uncertain and Siwan asked, "So, does this mean you're the one had been sending me letters since yesterday?"
"Uh... not since yesterday. I have been giving them ever since we... well, even before we debut but you never really notice it."

Minwoo took a deep breath. Siwan sounds serious and that scares him a little.
"You've been what?" Siwan sounded shocked.
"Yeah, I've been confessing alot of times in those letters but... you never notice it. You always thought it was fan letters but just yesterday I changed the way it should got to you." Minwoo tried to explain, but he was a little scared, afraid of what Siwan would think him as now. "But hyung, I really mean every word I wrote. I... really love you." Minwoo took Siwan's hand into his and he tried his best not to look so awkward.
Unexpectedly, Siwan blushed, a shade of red across his high cheek. He had been figuring out what is his feelings to Minwoo. At first he thought Minwoo is just cute but as time passed, those feeling grew into something else and Siwan doesn't know what it is.

Is it love then? Siwan avert his gaze to somewhere else, "And I thought you're with Hyungshik.. You guys are so close...." There was a hint of jealousy in his tone of voice and Minwoo noticed it.
"Hyungshik? No. Of course we're close but... we don't have any special relationship. I might get killed by Heechul hyung if I do. Hyungshik is with Heechul if you never notice." He and Hyungshik is really close to each other but it's only like that. Of course Hyungshik is the first to know about his crush on Siwan, he had been helping ever since but it's just that Siwan's ignorance is really high. Minwoo then saw another shocked expression from Siwan.
"What? Hyungshik is with Heechul?" Why didn't he ever notice that?
"Yeah... Doesn't make sense, right? But I don't think love make much sense. Our heart will just go to wherever it likes. It's not like we can control in falling in love and in my case, I don't know why I... love you this much." He squeezed Siwan's hands. Siwan didn't move, he just stays still.

"Hyung? Will you love me back?" Minwoo asked again when Siwan seems a little lost.
Siwan looked back into Minwoo's eyes. "I honestly... don't know how I feel about you but I know I liked you a lot. It's just that I don't know if it's love or not."
"We can try... dating? Then you can leave me if-"
Before Minwoo could finish his words, Siwan shush him. "No, I wouldn't want to break your heart like that. We should-"
This time it's Siwan's turn to be cut but this time by a soft kiss from Minwoo. Siwan felt his heart beating loudly, the feeling of Minwoo's lips touching him makes his heart jump and he melts into kiss. When he closed his eyes, Minwoo left him and he opened it back to see Minwoo biting his own lips.
"Hyung, I'm sorry. I just..."
It was then Siwan felt the urge to pull Minwoo back into another kiss and he did just that, shocking Minwoo who didn't expect it.

This time, the kiss lasted longer, both enjoying the kiss and it feels like they are letting their feelings out in that kiss. It feels right to Siwan, he wonder if he really love Minwoo. And Minwoo smiled before parting, it was just what he needed. He was so happy, it shows in his childish face.

Siwan smiled back. Maybe this could work out between them. Maybe it will be a little weird but Siwan believe as Minwoo said earlier, love just doesn't make any sense. And it includes them.

Omake! Omake!

It's Christmas eve and Siwan came up to Minwoo, who was arranging his boxes of gifts along with the others under the small Christmas tree. They didn't need the big one, since they don't have much space anyway. "Is there any for me?" Siwan asked.
Minwoo stopped arranging and smiled, "Of course there is. Why wouldn't I give you one?" His smile was as bright as the Christmas tree, it was decorated by the maknae line. Siwan smiled nervously, "Minwoo-ya, I forgot to buy yours." Minwoo pouted, "There's none for me then?" Siwan smiled guiltily, "Yeah, I'm sorry. I kind of forgot."
"Then, hyung, will you make up for it?" Minwoo asked, eyes shining in adorable way. Siwan's heart melts, "Well, is there anything that you want? I'll buy it when we have time to go shopping again."
Minwoo was quiet for a moment, thoughts are coming into his mind. Then he smiled, "Yeah... Sleep with me today, hyung?" Siwan's eyes widened at the request. And he hit Minwoo on the head a little, "I take back my words. I'll just get you whatever I want later."
"But hyung~ hyung~" Minwoo pleaded with the biggest and saddest eyes he could make.

Siwan kissed him to shut him out. "Don't be so spoiled, Minwoo."

But that night, in the middle of night, when everybody are already asleep, he felt a weight on his bed and arms circling his waist. He sighed when he heard Minwoo whispers, "Merry Christmas, hyung." Nothing can stop Minwoo from getting what he wanted.

The next morning, Siwan opened his present earlier than anybody else. Minwoo gave him a collection of love letters for him to read and he laughed when their Japanese album, Love Letter are also included in his present. Minwoo highlighted their parts on the lyrics and on Siwan's picture he wrote, "MINE and only MINE" in capital letters. Siwan laughed. At the back of album, Minwoo wrote, "Don't ever forget to buy me presents again. Especially on my birthday. Or else I'll claim you something else."

A/N: I can't believe I take 4 days for this. Dx OMG I'm really sorry. I'm having a major writer's block ever since I marked 122+66 exam papers for my part time job. I had to mark essays and oh god, you don't know how hard it is for me to read all of them. Some of them doesn't make sense at all, and the marking scheme was throwing me 'bla bla bla and anything that would fit the situation'. It takes me almost half an hour to mark just one exam paper. And yes, those answer scripts has 8 big question ;A; means 8 essays to mark each. I hope this doesn't suck as much, I tried so hard to write about this rare pairing, since I can't write anything with Hyungshik or Heechul in it. >,< To ichijo_rui, I hope you're not as disappointed ;A; Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you!

Dec. 12th, 2010



Title: Friendship
Author: Ila Way!
Fandom: ZE:A
Pairing: Heechul-centric, hint of HeeWan
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst
Disclaimer: I don't own Heechul, Hyungshik, Kevin or any of ZE:A members but I do own the right to love them ;]

The days were harsh on him lately. His final exams are just done and he regretted alot of things. He should have spent more time studying and he should have tattooed the answers in his brain but he keep on forget. The result is he is now is so not sure if he did well on his final exam or not. And that stresses him because every time his classmates are around, they'd have a happy look on their face, showing that they did well and they are sure of it. After struggling with the last paper, he was dragged by his closest classmate in Math class, Minwoo to a big concert with free standing tickets. He doesn't like the idea of squeezing himself in the masses of people jumping and screaming but he was given no choice as Minwoo kept him in his pretty long fingers with a little hint of a blackmail of what he have done wrong in the past. He sighed, he complained but he followed nonetheless or else he'd be doomed and he does not want that.

The concert was okay, not one of his favourite but it was okay, he enjoyed half of it. The other half, he wasn't so sure. There were some parts that he felt like just staring because nothing goes in his head anyway. When he got back from the half torturing event, his body started to ache, it started to feel weak and he was glad that a genius invented a bed. He throw himself into the welcoming softness and comfort, closing his eyes to shut down all the unused parts of his body as he let himself succumb into the heavenly treat of a sleep. He dreams of random things, a bit about dating, a bit about friends, a bit of girls and some weird stuff that he didn't even want to remember. The sleep was nice but he woke up still sore and he wonders why. He let out a defeated sigh and closed his eyes again, only to be bothered by his roommate, Taehun.

Taehun was worried of why the hell is Heechul still sleeping when the sun is almost down again. It's already 5.35p.m. and Heechul still doesn't show any sign to get up from the bed to at least eat or walk around the house. He went closer to check up on Heechul, just to make sure if he's okay or not. Heechul grunted when his personal space bubble is being invaded by Taehun but he did nothing anyway, he was too tired and probably too lazy to move when Taehun unexpectedly touched his forehead. Before he could even let out any sound or sign of protest, Taehun screamed out, more in a shock, "Ow, you're burning up, Chul. You're sick?" Heechul just sighed at that, no wonder he feels like shit even after a long good sleep, his body is just not in a good condition now. The rest of the day was predictable, with Taehun being like a mother hen worried of it's baby chick, he was really taken care of. He was glad to have taehun as his roommate even though Taehun creeps him out sometimes with his over-protectiveness and mother-like self.

Taehun helped Heechul on his worst days of fever ever recorded. Heechul rarely get sick and this time it's just so bad, it take a full week for Heechul to recover. Heechul is lucky the exam already ended for him or else it would be such a fuss to have himself answering the papers in his worst condition. He thanked god for that. At least he was taken care of at that part.

When he gets enough strength to actually eat properly and taste it, he check out his abandoned works and gaped at how much it piled up in week. He wanted to cry but there's no one to hear him out, well actually he just felt like there's nothing to really cry about. He curses in between finishing his works and stuff and one thing just hit him, he had a promised meeting with his fellow friends from the internet tomorrow. He looked into the mirror and rolled his eyes when what he saw didn't satisfy him. He look like shit, he has eye bags and it's dark, plus he didn't shave so... well, you get the idea. He went into the bathroom and tried to get rid of all the things that makes him ugly, being an ulzzhang truly has it's benefit, he is good at taking care of his face. After some work, he look more presentable and he went out just for the day out. He didn't really care of being pretty at this point, he just want to look normal and presentable. Plus, he's only meeting guys so there's no need for him to work his way too much.

The day out was awesome, he met his internet friends in real, which is cool because they all kinda have the same head. He can't remember much on what they did, they are just hanging out, gossiping. Yeah, guys gossips too. When the evening hits the world and the sun decided to say goodbye to the people, they separated and Heechul take his way back home alone. His cellphone rang on his way home, a text from his friend, Siwan. He read it and smiled. Siwan was asking about someone and Heechul was about to reply when his credit balance fail him. He went to a shop near his home to grab some more but he forgot to resend the unsent message. When he hit home, the first thing he did is to shower, the fever is still sticking a little and he felt sweaty so he had to shower to feel fresher.

As he got out of the shower, he felt refreshed and his eyes went heavy. He was sleepy and when he was about to close his eyes, his cell phone rang again. He stretch his hand out to check it out and it was another text from Siwan.

09:28:01PM IM SIWAN
'Sorry about everything.. Oh ya, I'm just fed up with my life.. It's like something go wrong with my life.. I need someone to support me.. Anyway Heechul, thanks so much for being my friend and please say hi to Taehun and Dongjun. Goodbye to you forever.'

Once Heechul read that, his heart pained. There's something just so wrong with this message. Why the hell did Siwan said 'fed up with my life' and what's up with the 'goodbye to you forever'? He just knew Siwan for not too long, but has taken a liking to him since he feels comfortable talking to him. Heechul is not a man of acceptance, he rarely accept people into his life but he let Siwan in for only god knows why. Uneasy with the suspicious message, he decided to call his friend. A call got through but Siwan didn't pick up so he tried again for the second time and the same thing happens. Heechul just suddenly started to freak out, his mind goes off to the negative things and he texted Siwan;

'Yah! What's wrong with you? Are you okay? Is there anything wrong? Pick up the damn phone when I call. You're sending me a disturbing message I swear I'm fucking worried of you now. Don't ignore my calls and talk to me. Tell me what's wrong, what happened and I'll listen. If I can, I will freaking help you, you understand me? I'm freaking worried now. Talk to me.'

He didn't mean to send it long, he just couldn't help it. He was worried and the way Siwan suddenly treated him like this freaks him out. He called again but Siwan still wouldn't answer. The second time he called, it didn't even reach Siwan, it says that Siwan is out of reach. Which means that Siwan turned off his cellphone. Frustrated, he texted again;

'Pick up the phone. I swear I won't kill or bite. I'm just worried. Please? ;A;'

He sighed, why is his chest hurt so fucking much now? Something just feel so wrong and he hated it. Negative what ifs came up on his head again and he shakes his head. No, even though Siwan is sometimes so low in self esteem and sometimes he's negative like him, he never show any sign of giving up before. This is the first time and Heechul didn't know what to do. He called again but still, Siwan turned off his cell. He wrote a new one;

'IDK What's your problem. But you should know that I'm here and is worried. Please don't be like this, Siwan. Did I do something wrong? Is it my fault? Don't make me cry ;-; Please just answer when I call.'

He didn't know why he is acting like this. His body shakes and tears started to form. This just suddenly taste even worst than the high fever he had not while ago. He sat on his bed, some memories flashing. He used to have a very close friend, a friend that he trusted so much, a friend that he cherished, a friend that he loves so much. He was young that time and he had no idea his beloved friend is depressed since he never show it to him. He would do everything to make his friend happy and that time he thought that friends are something that he can't live without. But later he heard that his friend was having a little too much of a lovers quarrel with his boyfriend. And then, there was marks on his friend's hands. They were fighting and both of them blames themselves when they are alone. They both cut themselves and that hurts Heechul deeply. He can't understand why someone as beautiful as his friend would do something like that. He cried every time he saw new scars appears. His heart ached so much, he can't stop crying.

His friend would pet him and tell him it's okay every time. Since his friend is 3 years older than him, he had to respect what his friend said and he believe in those lies untill one day, when they are having a web cam session, he saw his friend took some pills. His friend told him it was okay again when he protested at how much he's taking and he confessed, "Chul-ah, I... actually had cancer. These pills I'm taking, is to expand my life but I can't find a reason of extending it. I'd still die in hospital bed, yeah?" Heechul was so shocked when he heard that. He never knew about the cancer, his friend kept is so well hidden form him. "Hyung-ah, why? Why you never tell me?" His question isn't answered when his friend kept on talking and talking, about how he is happy meeting Heechul, about how he wanted to kidnap Heechul so much and make him as his real brother. Heechul's eyes were watery when he watched his friend losing his coherent thinking, he kept on talking and talking about all the good thing until he look up to Heechul and said, "Ahh, why is my head feeling so light. I'm sleepy... Hmmhmm, I love you, Chullie. Maybe tomorrow we should go and eat ice cream again, I'm depressed, hah." Heechul's tears streams down, it's heartbreaking to see his friend being like that. He tried to tell his friend he loves him too but no words came out. He had a bad feeling and it ached.

His friend pouted and continued, "Don't cry, Chul-ah. You're too beautiful to cry. That's why I didn't want you to know at first. Ah, I'm seriously sleepy right now. I'll off the web cam, eh? We'll talk later. I love you." His friend disconnected the chat and Heechul pull his legs to his chest, crying. He didn't understand why but it just hurts. He too left the computer and cried himself to sleep. The next day, he tried to call his friend but his friend's aunt answers. "H-Heechul-ah..."

"Aunt Kim, can I talk to-" before he could even finish his sentence, it was cut, "He... he's gone, Heechul." His friend's aunt said between sobs.
"Gone? What do you mean-"
"He's overdose of his medicines... and I.. I went home ...l-late last night so, I was too late..." The tone of her voice was depressingly sad. Heechul was so shocked he can't say a thing. His eyes went wide and tears started to form.
"H-Heechul? I-I'll have to go now... We'll send him off.. tomorrow... Please... please... come."

His heart breaks. He felt as if his soul left his body. And he spent the rest of the day crying. He didn't know what to do, his parents didn't know what to do either so they just let him cry.

The next day, his friend's aunt told him that his friend died on his keyboard. The last window he closed was the web cam chat, with him. He didn't know why but he kind of knew. There's a feeling in his guts that tells him that the web cam will be their last conversation and that 'I love you' will be the last words his friend would say before he die.

When his friend died, his friend's boyfriend started to become very depressed. Every time they talked, he would tell him just how much he misses his friend and not long after that, in less than a month, he just couldn't take it anymore and he killed himself. Heechul had tried so hard to convince him that he should live for his friend, not die for him but that didn't work. And when his friend's boyfriend died, he stopped being close to people. He would make friends but never best friends because he was afraid of the pain of being left. He become a bit distant and no one can seem to grasp what's him. It's just that lately he's having so many new friends, he let his guard down a little and Siwan is one of the people that got into his heart. He looked around, he didn't want Siwan to end up like his friend. He wanted to help Siwan. He didn't want to fail again. He wanted to let Siwan know that he cares and he sent another text;

'Even if there's nothing wrong, I just want you to answer. I'm just worried sick ;A; It doesn't matter, let's just talk ;A;'

Then he got a reply. His heart jumped and he opened it;

09:46:03 PM IM SIWAN
'Sorry, Heechul.. It's complicated.. I think I wanted to be left alone for a while. When I'm okay I'll try to comeback as the old Siwan. But now just leave me alone. Please don't misunderstand. I love you too.. Forever..'

Heechul laughed. Everyone will say that they will be okay. That's what he friend used to say too but he never got okay. Why are people so stubborn when he offered help? Why must Siwan act like this? He replied;

'Just read your reply. Just why do you care of being the old you and you, you are now? You're still Siwan to me. I hate this. I really hate this. This depresses me and I don't know what to say now. Talk to me. I'm hurt.'

His tears crashed down at this moment. It feels like his memory being replayed again and again and that just fucking hurts. He called and called but Siwan kept on turning off his phone so it won't go through. He even left a voicemail but it didn't work too. He started to shake. His tears kept on falling. His head hurts. Why is Siwan being like this? He bite his lips, he now know, maybe it's his fault for being soft on people again. Maybe it's just him that's so stupid to start to think friends matter again. He finally texted a last message, after much fight in his heart;

'I'll call you for one last time. If you still won't answer then I get it. You know I'll hate myself for not being able to make you feel better or make you talk. But hating oneself is easier than hating the cause. I always hated myself, it doesn't matter, yeah. Thanks for everything anyway, I cherished it. What matters now is you and if you decided should go this way then I have no words to say. You... should know what's better. Whatever happens to me is just a matter of nothingness now. Sorry, I'm just depressed now. Sweet dream?'

In between the message, as he was typing, he received a text but he ignored it, determined to finish his first and just go with Siwan's way. he could never win, he know. He never does. Both of his friends died before. He is a failure. After sending it, he check out the text that just got in;

10:00:54 PM IM SIWAN
'Don't worry about me. I'll be back to Siwan you used to know. But not now, wait for couple of weeks or maybe months. And by the way, I don't know what to talk anyway.. Please, Heechul, stop sending me messages. I know I'm hurt, I see your words.. I damn love you as a friend.. but please I need space so that I can relax my mind. Sorry, this is my last message to you... and I really damn miss and love you.'

Heechul cried reading it. It doesn't make much sense, the last message but it doesn't matter. Now, he knew, Siwan chose to stay away from him when he has problems, just like his friend used to do. Why? Is he so not worth to be told, to be trusted, to share the pain with? His heart ache. Will he ever have a mutual understandings? Probably no. Should he close his heart once again and fake himself? Maybe he should, then, no one will know him and he... will know nobody. He'll live alone. Even when people are around him.His heart was really broken that night, he stared at his cellphone, while tears are streaming down and ask himself whether he should give the last call or not? If he did then, the reality will hit even harder but if he didn't, there's still a probability Siwan would pick up? He feels so fucked up, why is he still hoping?

Maybe it's because this will be the one to change him again.

And he did call, only to find that the phone was turned off again.

And the worst thing about friendship is, it's just so damn breakable. When you're starting to doubt either to call or not, know that it's shattering, and sometimes shattered pieces, never got healed back.

Maybe when Siwan comes back, Heechul will never be the Heechul Siwan used to know.

He is the arrogant rapper Jung Heechul.


A/N: This freaking depresses me. Part of it, actually most of it is based on real life story. IDK why but I just need to let this out. I will update the other fic soon. I... just suddenly got busy. IDK if this is okay. ;A; I really don't know... Sometimes even I wonder, what friend actually is. But I do love my friends, that's what I know no matter how often I am running from some.

and wow, just checked my email and the comm and saw updates xD I is happy. will be reading maybe tomorrow? :D heuheuheu

Dec. 8th, 2010

Queen Heechullie


I'm still sick, my fever haven't go down but I still... online just to wish Heechul happy birthday eventhough I freaking doubt that he ever know xD but still, i wished.

I'm trending #happyJungHCday and #sexychulday ;-; IDK WHY BUT I WANT TO TREND #happyJungHCday more coz it's Jung Heechul IDK

i have to go. will edit this soon xD

Nov. 25th, 2010

shikkie ohhh

18. Favourite color

The easiest question to answer yet the hardest hahaha :D

Okay. If I really have to choose, it'd be;

Deep blue, Black, White, Deep Red in particular order.

But I really love lots of colors xD I love the soft colors :] It's cute <3 I used to hate pink. And is still not too fond of it but I'm beginning to accept soft pink <3

(List of questions/topics)

Ahh, I wanna cry T.T Physics is so hard...
shikkie ohhh

Too Late Part 2

Title: Too Late Part 2
Author: Ila Way!
Fandom: ZE:A
Pairing: HeeShik, KevShik, HeeWoo
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Romance/Angst? (a little)
Disclaimer: I don't own Heechul, Hyungshik, Kevin or any of ZE:A members but I do own the right to love them ;]
Too Late Part 2

He look up to Kevin's eyes. There was so much to offer there. Kevin's eyes are warm, friendly, loving and honest. He caressed Kevin's cheek before kissing softly on his lips. Kevin seems happy, he thought. He move himself away from the other boy, Kevin's cock sliding out of him when get up. He smiled bitterly, "Kevin hyung, I want to clean up."

Kevin nodded, giving Hyungshik a hand, helping him into the bathroom where Hyungshik decided to take a deep soak in the bathtub. Kevin uses the shower and Hyungshik didn't seem to mind Kevin's eyes that keeps on staring at him. Hyungshik was too lost in his own thought. His eyes never leaving the water for a second. Kevin frowned when he saw Hyungshik's expressionless face. He thought Hyungshik would at least have some sort of reaction. Either freaked out realizing what just happened between them or happy that it happened. But what he sees are only emptiness in Hyungshik's face. It's like his sould has left his body to somewhere else. Kevin let out a sigh. Did he done the wrong decision?

Is it wrong to love Hyungshik?

Or is it wrong to make love to him?

He knew he love the boy. He had always do. But he never really know how Hyungshik feel about him. He never confessed, he never tell the younger but he does give hints here and there, hoping that Hyungshik would take it and understands. He just can't tell Hyungshik he loves him. Not when that bastard are always around whenever he thought he had the chance to. That Jung Heechul bastard. How come he always get the best? He is popular in school, he has fangirls and fanboys, he have money, he have power, he have looks, he have the voice and most importantly, he have Hyungshik.

Hyungshik is like everybody's little brother and lover. Everybody just want to be like him. The girls love him, the boys love him too and that's all because Hyungshik is such a sweet, innocent and cute boy. He get along with everybody well, always being so nice to the people around him. Kevin had never see Hyungshik got mad in public, because he always think about other people more than himself.

Only that lately, Hyungshik seemed to have change, little by little. After Heechul took him away from everybody else.

Kevin looked away from the sight. He looked into the mirror instead. Still, he saw Hyungshik's expressionless face, he still looking down to the tub, but mind somewhere else. Kevin feel the urge to confront Hyungshik so high but when he looked into his own reflection in the mirror, there were questions that hang in his head.

'Am I good enough for him?'

'What am I actually in his eyes?'

'Does he love me? Even just one bit?'

It was hard to ignore the questions. He knew he needed to know the answers for the questions but he knew too for a fact that maybe it's just better to never know the answer. Maybe he should just ignore them. Be oblivious of everything and just enjoy the moment, every single moment, every single seconds he spent with Hyungshik without questioning Hyungshik or himself or whether all of this are alright. Because even if it's not right, he wouldn't want to admit it. Kevin glanced back to Hyungshik. He still have that face on. He must be in deep thought, Kevin reminded himself. Slowly, really slowly, he walked to the bath tub, lean in to the boy lost in his thought and kissed the latter on his cheeks. That somehow brings Hyungshik back to life. When he kissed the boy, he smiled and Hyungshik replied it with shocked sparkling eyes, and then the small blush.

Hyungshik is just so cute, Kevin thought.

"Hyungshik, what are you thinking about?" asked Kevin. He knew he shouldn't ask but somehow that just went out. He didn't even think.
Hyungshik was hesitating to tell him but then he cleared his throat, avoiding his eyes from Kevin's, "Is... Is this okay?"
Kevin raised a brow, a hand caressing Hyungshik's cheek, "What is okay?"
Hyungshik leaned in to the touch. It feels good. Those little touches Kevin always gave him, always made him melt inside. It feels like he is truely loved and that feeling made Hyungshik happy. Kevin just smiled a little when Hyungshik didn't answer but leaned into his touch instead, enjoying it like a cat enjoying soft touches. Hyungshik closed his eyes and Kevin can see that Hyungshik feels relaxed like this. It made Kevin's heart flutter, heart beating faster. Being able to touch Hyungshik like this, had always been his dream ever since the first time his eyes laid on the younger boy. Only God knows just how much he loved Hyungshik.

There was a ring on the living room, Hyungshik's cellphone showing a familiar ID, Heechul.

Heechul sighed. It's the third time he called already. Why isn't Hyungshik answering? Is he studying? No, Hyungshik never left his cellphone even when he's studying. He always bring it everywhere. He kicked the rock he saw and rolled his eyes. If Hyungshik didn't pick up at the 5th time he call, he is so going to pay for it. Heechul smirked when he thinks about the punishment he would give to the younger when he sees him later. Oh, maybe now it's even better if Hyungshik didn't pick up. He would have so muchfun making Hyungshik feel sorry for not picking up later. Minwoo looked at the smirking Heechul from afar. He felt a pang in his heart. He knew Heechul's calling Hyungshik.


He always feel bad for being the guy Heechul cheated with on Hyungshik but he just couldn't control himself. Heechul is just so hard to resist. And he is so weak, he just couldn't fight his desire to be with Heechul. Even if that means, he's just a secret lover.

Even if Heechul only look at him when Hyungshik isn't there. He is so pathetic, he thought. A loser. But it doesn't matter to him. He would choose to be a loser if that means he'll get Heechul to look at him. At least Heechul noticed him. How funny this all works, he thought as he stared at Heechul, who's holding his cellphone close to his ear, still trying to get Hyungshik on line.

It was winter when he first met Heechul. He, Hyungshik, and Dongjun are playing a snow fight like little kids at the university's back garden. It was when Dongjun and Hyungshik playing a cheat game and tag teamed to gether to beat Minwoo out that Heechul happened just to be there. Minwoo was trying so hard to run away from the snow balls, laughing and that's when he tripped on his own shoelace and fell on the snow, luckily, but on his face, unluckily too. Someone gave a hand to him to help him out and he just took it, helping himself in the process. But when his eyes laid on the kind guy that lend his hand for him, his mind went blank for a second. The guy had the most seductive smile he ever saw, with a face so pretty, he thought he just saw an angel.

He was spazzing in his mind of how pretty this man is and how awesome and great and manly and just pure awesomeness he is until Heechul asked him, "Are you okay?"

Oh, the perfect moment, just like in the movies and Minwoo couldn't help to feel something tingle inside of him. And oh yes, he just fell in love, baby.

And that perfect moment is of course ruined by his friends that came running to him to check him out too whether he's okay or not.

Dongjun and Hyungshik just had to ruin this moment.
"Minwoo hyung, are you okay?"asked Hyungshik, a little scared that he might have be the one in fault for Minwoo's exclusive trip.

Dongjun laughed and Minwoo felt like kicking him right there and then but he erased the feeling to look at his saviour once again only to find that his saviour's eyes fixed at someone behind his back. He looked back and he knew, he could see that it was Hyungshik that he was looking at. Then he saw a little smile on the other's lips. That time he just knew, Hyungshik is stealing another heart again. And he was sad that it was Heechul's.

That time, he knew he wouldn't stand a chance.

He stood up, in between Heechul and his friends, with his hands spread in a protective way, "Yah, this one is mine!"

The statement made everyone shocked. Minwoo cursed himself in his head for letting his heart out. Shit, now they know that he likes this guy. There was silence for some good seconds and finally Minwoo's brain come up with a good idea to cover up what he just said, "Now it's two on two! You guys can't play cheat anymore!" Dongjun and Hyungshik let out and 'oh' expression and they smiled to the newcomer. Minwoo turned around to meet a set of beautiful awesome angelic devilish awesome eyes of his saviour and his heart just melted again. When Heechul smiled, Minwoo gave him his hand, "Hi! I'm Minwoo. Ha Minwoo."

He tried his best to give a good impression, to capture his heart, eventhough he knew this guy that later introduced himself as Jung Heechul will most probably never feel the same as what he's feeling right now.

And he's right when two weeks later, Heechul is officially with Hyungshik.

He is freaking jealous of Hyungshik. But he can't find any reason to hate his friend. Hyungshik was always nice to him and he admit that Hyungshik is just too cute to resist but he is cute too. He deserve Heechul's attention too, right?

Heechul walked away from his spot, placing his cellphone safely in his pocket after he failed again for the 5th time. He wonder where Hyungshik is right now and what is he doing as he walked back to Minwoo. Minwoo smiled to him and he smiled back, a teasing smile before he just walked pass the boy. Minwoo followed him, lacing his hand with Heechul's, demanding attention from the older boy. Heechul just ignored him, his mind went off to wonder where Hyungshik is. Minwoo decided to break the silence, "Heechul ah, can we go to the cafe?" Heechul spared him a look before he nodded. Minwoo smiled happily when he saw the approval. They went to the cafe they usually hang out together, taking the same spot everytime and Heechul just ordered cappucino while Minwoo settled with a piece of chocolate cake and chocolate smoothie.

"Are you free on this Saturday?" Minwoo asked, as he watched Heechul taking a sip from his cappucino.
Minwoo looked down a moment before repeating his question again, "Uhm, I asked, are you free this Saturday?"
Heechul looked at him, then he looked outside, "Kinda, yeah. If nothing comes up, I'm quite free."
Minwoo's face lit up with the answer. "Well then, can we go out this Saturday?"
Heechul averted his gaze back to the cheerful Minwoo, "Yeah, of course."
Hearing that, Minwoo just can't deny how happy he is. His happiness meter hits the spot up there and he is like 100% happy now.

He always asked Heechul out but he was never approved before. This is the first time Heechul said yes to his invitation and now he felt like exploding with happiness.

Then, Heechul's cellphone suddenly ring. Minwoo just didn't care who it was, he was just too happy to be bothered by it. Heechul pick it up though.
"Heechul, do you have Kevin's number?" asked Taehun, in the line.
"Why would I have his number?" Heechul asked back, not interested.
"Well, since Hyungshik is so close to Kevin, I figured you'd have his number."
"Nope, I just don't find it necessary to have his number. Oh, wait, maybe Minwoo has it." Heechul looked at Minwoo and Minwoo nodded. "Yeah, I have it." Minwoo replied with a smile.

Another cellphone ringed at Kevin's apartment and this time it's Kevin's. Kevin ignored it, enjoying the moment as he started kissing Hyungshik back, first on the forehead, then the lips. Hyungshik kissed back and that brings a smile on Kevin's lips.

Carefully, he started kissing Hyungshik more and more, hand going down to Hyungshik's chest. A finger teased Hyungshik's skin and Hyungshik moaned, mouth open in the process. Kevin took the chance to slid his tongue in, heating the kiss. Hyungshik's hands find Kevin's back and they started to kiss again, feverishly.

It was then Kevin started to pull Hyungshik up softly, slowly guiding him to the shower area together with him, still kissing in the process. Hyungshik felt his body getting hot again at Kevin's touches and kisses. His breathing started to get messed up again and he didn't know whether he should stop Kevin or let him do whatever he please.

He didn't know if he is allowed to do this or not. He knew he wasn't supposed to allow Kevin to do all these things but didn't want Kevin to stop. He didn't want Kevin to hate him, he didn't want Kevin to feel bad for doing these and it seems that his body is liking it too. It's just his heart that wouldn't want to respond. No matter how hard he tried, it's still Heechul that keeps on appearing, not Kevin.

Even when Kevin pushed him softly against the wall. Even when Kevin is kissing his neck, loving every inch of his skin, spoiling it tenderly, lovingly. He loved those kisses, he loved those touches but it makes him feel guilty inside for cheating on Heechul like this.

Cheating on Heechul. Like this.

His senses lost it's excitement and anticipation for Kevin's touch when those words keeps on ringing in his head. Is this really a payback for what Heechul have done to him? He didn't know the answer.

Kevin in other hand is admiring Hyungshik's body again, his hands are all over the younger boy's slim body, his lips loving the skin of Hyungshik neck. Oh, he really want to suck those skin and left mark so much but he knew he shouldn't do that. Hyungshik might get mad. Frustrated not being able to mark Hyungshik, he let out his tongue to taste Hyungshik's milky white skin.

Hyungshik was a little shocked to feel the wet muscle tracing, licking his skin. He let out a soft moan, it started to feel so good again as Kevin's loving touch seemed to erase Heechul little by little from his mind.

Hyungshik lift Kevin's face up, guiding his lips to the other. They started kissing again. Kevin's hand wander lower, and when it found its prize, he gripped on it, making Hyungshik moan in anticipation. He started stroking the half awakened member slowly, melting Hyungshik into his palm.

They seperated for air and Hyungshik let out a needy moan, legs getting weaker by the second. "A-ah, Kevin hyung.." Oh, those moans, calling his name, sounded so beautiful when it comes from Hyungshik's mouth. Kevin speed up his strokes, thumbing the slit in between the strokes. Hyungshik started closing his eyes, wanting to feel of the attention Kevin is giving him but Kevin suddenly stopped. He let out a whimper and he opened his eyes to see what Kevin is doing. Kevin smiled and kissed him softly on the lips before he took Hyungshik's free hand to grip on his own now fully erect member. Hyungshik at first didn't get it but when Kevin bring his erected member close to Hyungshik's and wrap Hyungshik's hand aroung both of them, he started to wonder how this would feel like. Kevin too then wrapped a hand on their erections, long fingers touching the other.

Kevin started pumping in a sensuous way, making Hyungshik's wrapped hand pump in time together with him. Hyungshik moaned, "Ke-Kevin hyung... This feels..." Hyungshik's cheels started to reddened, he had never done this before and he feels kind of shy doing it but it feels good. Kevin just stared at Hyungshik into the eye and Hyungshik find it so embarassing but so turned on to stare back into Kevin's dark eyes. Not being able to take it anymore, Hyungshik closed their distant, cutting the lustful gaze Kevin is sending him with a kiss. They started to speed up their strokes and Hyungshik could feel the precum forming on the tips of their cock. The feeling is a bit weird, his hard cock pressed together with Kevin's while his hand and Kevin's stroking them together in unison. Oh, it feels weird but it feels damn good.

"Ungh." Hyungshik can feel the knot in his groin started to grow tighter. His length aching for release. This new sensation is turning him on and he started to feel the need of more friction, more of it so he strated to pump their erections faster, only to be halted by Kevin. He can feel Kevin's tongue licking his sensitive ear and then Kevin whispered, "Let me fuck you, Hyungshik." Hyungshik nodded at the words, and he felt Kevin's hand leaving their erections.

Kevin brought his hand up, touching Hyungshik's sexy pouty lips before pushing it on slowly. Hyungshik getting the hint, sucked on the two fingers, licking, lapping it, coating it with his saliva while his other hand still pump on their erections. Kevin felt so damn horny with the double stimulation and when he feels it's coated enough he pull his fingers out, bring it down to Hyungshik's entrance. He pushed the two digits in slowly, observing Hyungshik's facial reaction as he started to move it in and out slowly.

Hyungshik let out a breath, the two fingers inside of him are teasing him as they are preparing him.


Kevin pulled out his fingers and put his drooling cock on Hyungshik's entrance. He angles himself and when Hyungshik said he's ready, he pushed in, enjoying the heat and the heavenly pleasure of being inside of Hyungshik again. Hyungshik let out a long moan and when Kevin is fully seated, he lift Hyungshik's leg. Then he started to move when Hyungshik nodded to him, his face showing want and Kevin just couldn't resist that. It makes him horny when Hyungshik has that face on.

His pace started to grow faster as the tension gets higher. Hyungshik's brain melted and his legs weaken. His chest feels tight, he can't breathe properly. He threw his head back, mouth open to grab as much air as possible. It just feels damn good, it's so hard to breathe. Kevin was way beyond temptation when Hyungshik threw his head beck, exposing his sexy long neck, making him look even more sexy and seductive. Oh god, can he be any sexier? He just can't find anyone as sexy as Hyungshik and the fact that he's fucking Hyungshik made Kevin feel like he's in heaven.

Hyungshik's sweat started to wet his bangs and he moved them aside. When Kevin move even faster he had to grip on the older tighter, trying not to fall in the middle of this. Kevin feel his limit coming close and he started pumping Hyungshik's abandoned cock, making Hyungshik scream in pleasure. "Come on, baby." Hyungshik felt like he can't hold it anymore, Kevin's hard dick fucking him deliciously and his hand pumping him is just too much too handle. He called out Kevin's name in a chant and he cum, spilling everything he had on their stomach. Kevin soon cum too, not being able to hold it any longer.

They both slide down onto the floor, bodies still tangled to each other. Hyungshik's eyes are still closed and Kevin took the time to calm his breath before opening the tap. The shower helps in calming and cleaning them both. Hyungshik opened his eyes after a minute to look at Kevin. Kevin was smiling and he kissed Kevin again.

"Are you done yet?" asked Heechul, head getting heavy minute by minute. Minwoo pouted at the question, "Not yet, I still haven't finish the cake."
"Why are you so slow?" Heechul let out a sigh. His cup have been empty for 20 minutes now and Minwoo is still eating his cake slowly. Ah, he feels tired and bored and sleepy. He looked around, examining the details of the cafe boredly. Not many people are in cafe, most of the customers are couples, maybe in their date or something. The cafe gave a romantic feeling, the walls are soft pink with cute hearts decorations. The waitress are chatting to each other. They are wearing short pink frilly skirt with aprons, making them look like a cute little maids. Heechul thought that they looked pretty but that could never match Hyungshik though.

Ah, where is Hyungshik now? Realizing that he made Heechul wait, Minwoo ate the cake faster, "Heechul ah~ Open your mouth and help me finish this." Heechul's eyes went back to the younger boy. A spoonful of chocolate cake was presented in front of him. Not wanting to make a fuss of the little things, he just obeyed and open his mouth, letting Minwoo feed him. Minwoo was so happy when the cake went perfectly into Heechul's mouth. He smiled giddily, girlishly, enjoying feeding the older one. It feels like he's in love again.

Heechul's cell rings again. He looked at the caller ID and Taehun appears to be the one who's calling. Still chewing, he picked up the call, "Yeah?"
"Heechul, are you sure the number is right?" Taehun look up to the clock, it's almost late in the evening.
"I don't know. Is it, Minwoo?" Heechul shrugs. Minwoo nodded and answered, "Yeah, it's right. I called him with that number before."
"Minwoo said it's right."
Taehun sighed. He took a stack of paper with him. "But he wasn't answering. And I don't know where he lives. Can you give something to him?"

"What? I'm lazy. And plus, I don't like that kid." Heechul didn't like the idea of visiting or even seeing Kevin. He, does not like the older boy. Hyungshik is too attached to Kevin sometimes and Heechul hates that.
"Come on, Heechul. You need to do this or else our work will not be done. He should be the one in charge for the last part of the assignment and if we didn't get him to finish it, we're doomed." Taehun can already imagine their lecturer scolding them in anger, humiliating them in front of the class. Nope, he wouldn't want that because he's a cool guy and he knew that Heechul wouldn't want that too.
"Aish, okay then. Meet me up at the usual cafe I and Minwoo always hang." Heechul gave up. As much as he hate seeing Kevin, he hated public humiliation more. He's the university idol, okay? Of course he has to take care of his image.
"Will be there in 5 minutes." Taehun hung up after that and Heechul made a face. Which Minwoo thought is cute.

Hyungshik went to the living room, to pick up all the shattered clothes. He spot his jet black cellphone on the floor and he took it.

9 missed calls.

Hyungshik eyes went wide when he checked the caller ID. "Shit!" It was all Heechul's. He suddenly feel panic. He never had this much missed calls from Heechul. This is the first time. His heart raced. What if Heechul decided to leave him? What if he makes Heechul really mad this time? What if it was an emergency? What if...

A hand grab his shoulder. He jumped in shock. But the hand eased him and he let out a relieved breath when he remembers there's only him and Kevin in the house. Kevin slid a hand on his shoulder, "Are you okay?"
Hyungshik look up to him. "Uh, yeah."
"I see that you've been staring at your cell. Is there anything wrong?" Kevin asked. He squeezed Hyungshik's shoulder a little.
"Well, I just can't believe that it's already late in the evening. I have to go home now." Hyungshik smiled bitterly. He is doomed when he gets home. Now he just wished that Heechul isn't home yet.
"You have a curfew?" Kevin was a bit taken aback but he just think maybe Hyungshik's mom is over protective.
"Yeah, funny, right?" Hyungshik laughed a little, awkwardly.
Kevin just smiled at that and he kissed Hyungshik's cheek before leaving him alone to get dressed. "Well then, get dressed." he said. Hyungshik touched his cheeks and smiled again before his brain went back to the panic mode. He checked his phone again and is relieved to see there's no new message. He's freak out if he missed any of Heechul's message.

Kevin went into his own room and browse through his vast collection of clothes. He is not exactly a fashionista but he just loved to buy clothes. He laughed at himself remembering that he always have serious headache sometimes when he thinks so hard of what to wear everyday to classes just to impress Hyungshik. Hyungshik may seem like a simple person but he knew that Hyungshik always look at people from up to down, means that he cares about fashion and how people dressed. He continued on searching for what he should wear and he chose just a simple soft pink T-shirt. He knew Hyungshik loves pink. After he was fully dressed, he took his keys to go out.

Hyungshik quickly dress himself and tuck his cellphone in his pocket safely. He heard foot steps and keys clattering so he went to the door, not even bothering to look at Kevin. Kevin hugged him from the back playfully, making Hyungshik laugh. Then he let go and linked their hands together, Kevin leading the way to the elevator.

Taehun reach the cafe 5 minutes after he hang up the call. He went in and started searching for his friend. He spotted Heechul and Minwoo at the far left at the back. Heechul was laughing at Minwoo's jokes or story, he didn't know with their hands linked together on the table. Well, it's actually more of Minwoo holding Heechul's hand. He shakes his head in a dissaproving way. He knew all about Heechul's relationship with Hyungshik and Minwoo. He pity Hyungshik for having Heechul as his boyfriend. Poor Hyungshik. Hyungshik is so innocent, nice and loyal to begin with. So opposite to Heechul. But he can't do a thing about it, Heechul is his friend and he did give him his advice before, it's just that Heechul didn't want to listen at him.

He walked to the couple and handed the paper to Heechul. Heechul give him a cute unsatisfied pout and Minwoo laughed.

Heechul then whined about not wanting to go to meet Kevin or give him the papers because he hate that boy. Taehun just smiled and replied, "If you didn't give this to him then, Miss Kim is going to get very angry and we will most probably be scolded in front of the class." Heechul groaned at that. He knew Heechul would do it when he mentioned their lecturer's name. Their lecturer is really a devil spawn. She would scold anybody anytime whenever she likes it in anyway she likes it.

Heechul being the idol of the university of course have to take care of his image and being scolded publicly is so not cool and is going to bring shame to him. Taehun pat him on the shoulder, "I already did mine and your part, so it's only him that's left." Heechul let out another pout and Taehun just melt at that. No matter how bitchy, scary and crazy Heechul is sometimes, he just can't bring himself to hate him. And maybe that's how it works with everybody else too. Everybody always loved Heechul no matter how he acts.

Heechul walked away after a final goodbye wave to Taehun and Minwoo. He shrugged when he think back of how hard it is to seperate Minwoo from himself. Minwoo keep on insisting that he wanted to follow. He keep on holding onto him until he gave the younger one a glare. Then Minwoo let go but hesitantly with a dissapointed face. Thank god Taehun was there to help him to take the youngest of them back home.

He checked the paperworks Taehun did and he feels like puking at the amount of words in the paper. The assignment is so long to him and is kinda thick too. He is really thankful that Taehun helped him with his part. It would suck to have to write this all by himself. He has never been the one to do assignments, it's always Taehun who helped him. He looked around to make sure that he's taking the right way to Kevin's apartment. When he spot the building he is sure that he's right but then he saw something that made him stop at his track.

Hyungshik. And Kevin. Holding hands together. Happily. Like a pair of lovers.

The words came up to him one by one. And he stayed at his spot, watching them.

"Are you sure you don't want me to send you off at your door?" Kevin was  dissapointed not being able to walk Hyungshik home.
Hyungshik look at Kevin guiltily, "Yeah. Not this time. Maybe next time. I have to think. By myself on my way home." The truth is he never tell Kevin that he had already moved in to Heechul's apartment. And he just didn't want Kevin to know yet. He doesn't think Kevin is ready for it.
"Okay then." Kevin kissed Hyungshik on the lips softly, lovingly. He the hugged the younger, "No matter what your conclusion is and what ever you come up with later, just... don't abandon me."

Hyungshik felt like his heart is being stabbed by knives at those words. He looked down guiltily. Kevin let go of the him and saw Hyungshik's guilty face. He lift Hyungshik's face up so that their eyes met and continued, "It's okay. Don't feel guilty about it. I know and still I choose this. None of this is your fault, okay? I'm the one who wanted this." Hyungshik just stared, without a word and Kevin kissed him again. "I love you, Park Hyungshik. No matter what happens, I will always do."

Heechul's fingers curled into a fist after the second kiss. "Oh, so this is why he didn't answer." His body started to feel hot. He was angry and there was some weird emotions are inside of him but he didn't know what it is. He looked away, not being able to watch this further and walk away. He'll just come back when this finishes. He kicked the can on the road and fuck, did he just imagine that it's Kevin's head?

After waving Kevin a cheerful goodbye, Hyungshik walk his way back home. His head was in a total mess. He... wanted to punch Heechul, yell at him, throw pillows and stuff at him for cheating behind his back but as much as he want to do that, now he is more weighed about his own act behind Heechul's back. He didn't know what to do. Should he tell Heechul or should he not? Of course he can say that it was a payback for Heechul's act but he just can't stand seeing Heechul's heart got broken by him. He sighed, why is this so hard? And why did he do all those things with Kevin? He can't seem to find the answer.

He... don't want to hurt Heechul's feeling.

He knew he is stupid for that but he just can't help it. He just loved Heechul too much. Now how to solve all this?

Maybe he should just pretended like he never saw Heechul with Minwoo and he'll pretend like his moments with Kevin never happen. At least for now. Until he get the solution.

After a long walk, Heechul went back to Kevin's apartment. He had been thinking and Kevin will get off this time, he decided to hear from Hyungshik first. He rings Kevin's door and Kevin opened the door with a hopeful face. Heechul feels disgusted at Kevin's look. He must have thought he's Hyungshik. Kevin's expression however turned to his normal expression then to the expression of seeing him. The look that says 'I hate you but I can't say that on your face'. Heechul smirked when he saw that look. The feeling is mutual. "Yah! Why don't you answer your call? It's tiring to send this to you." Kevin made a face and Heechul just shoved the papers to Kevin's chest, "Don't have to answer. Don't need your excuse. I'm going now."

Heechul turned around and left. His anger started to boil again every second he saw Kevin so he had to go before something happens. Kevin feels so pissed with Heechul's acts, he feel like shouting at Heechul now that he had just fuck Heechul's boyfriend and there's nothing Heechul can do about it but he know that it's really not a good idea. He wouldn't want Hyungshik to involve in trouble. "That son of a bitch. Tch, doesn't even know how to respect his hyungs."

Every seconds ticked by, fueled Heechul's anger into a wrath. He feels like going back and punch Kevin, the beat him into a pulp but his pride just wouldn't allow it. He didn't understand it himself but it's so frustrating so he ran. He ran all the way back home.

About 10 minutes later, he reached home. He opened the door, and took his shoes off quickly. His breathing was fast, he was panting and sweating. He spot Hyungshik sitting on the couch in the living room. Hyungshik was staring at the red table on the center of the room, probably day dreaming or maybe thinking about something but he didn't care. He walked to him and yanked him off the couch with a force. Hyungshik was shocked when he was suddenly yanked off the couch and out of his mind. Heechul dragged him to their shared bedroom. At first Hyungshik protested a bit but then he just followed, though a bit hesitant. When they're are in their bedroom, Heechul push the younger onto the bed and locked the door. He can feel his anger inside but he tried his best to calm down and not show it to his lover.

Hyungshik was confused and a little scared with the sudden harsh treatment from his boyfriend. He looked at Heechul's back.

Heechul was breathing harshly and it looked like he's been in a marathon or something. "Heechul?" Heechul turned around with a smirk. His eyes met with a pair of now scared eyes of Hyungshik. Hyungshik wanted to ask, if there's anything wrong and why he's acting like that but no words could come out of his mouth when he opened them. "H-Heechul?" All that he could said was only his boyfriend's name and Heechul walked closer to him.

"Hyungshik, it's... time to do a body check up." Heechul's voice was deep but somehow it's a little different from Heechul's usual deep voice. Hyungshik's eyes went wide hearing that and he started to get really scared, his brain started to go into panic mode.

"W-what?" he asked, not wanting to believe what he just heard. Heechul took a step closer, "I said... it's time to do a check up."

Hyungshik mentally cursed. Shit, if Heechul is really going to do what he said he would, he would know about what happened earlier. The panic was even more visible in Hyungshik's face now. Heechul's smirk grew. So, Hyungshik does have something to hide, doesn't he? Is it a lovebite? Marks somewhere? Or... did he...

Heechul wasn't very happy when his brain started opening up all possibilities to him. When it went to that, his smirk fades and he started to strip Hyungshik out. Hyungshik was scared to the core, he didn't know what to do but he did protest a bit. He tried to push Heechul away, "H-Heechul-ah!" Heechul glared at him and his words died. "Shut up and just obey me." Heechul hissed, deep in commanding tone. He can feel his anger boiling seconds by seconds.

Hyungshik knew better to not anger his lover but he was so scared of Heechul knowing he felt like crying. Soon, Hyungshik was topless. Heechul inspected his lover's body. Even more carefully at the sensitive parts. Hyungshik feels like his body is being raped by Heechul's eyes.

No marks, good. Heechul thought. But what about the other side? Just thinking about what he could find makes his anger boils even higher.

Not being able to fully control his anger, he just yanked Hyungshik's pants along with his boxer after unzipping and unbottoning it. Hyungshik was fully naked in front of his eyes and he can see that there Hyungshik's hips are a little red. Even though it's just little, he could notice it. He knew Hyungshik's body like he his own. Hyungshik was beyond panic when he was stripped fully out of his clothing. The cold air hit his body mercilessly. He was so scared and his eyes started to become teary. Heechul lift his leg up. Hyungshik's eyes went even more wider when Heechul did that and his breath hitched when Heechul shoved two of his fingers inside. His tears fell.

Heechul's suspicion was proven right when he shoved his fingers in. Hyungshik's walls were wet and Hyungshik's sharp gasp confirmed the little pain he always had afterwards whenever they have sex. Heechul couldn't believe it. He took out his fingers

slowly, carefully looking at the white liquid that went out with it, coating his fingers with it. Even though there are only traces left, Heechul knew what its perfectly. Hyungshik, not knowing what to say or how to defend himself started crying. Heechul brought his wet fingers up and glared at Hyungshik, his jaws clenching. His angry eyes met again with Hyungshik's now scared and teary eyes. Hyungshik really didn't know what to do, his tears kept on falling.

He was beyond scared. He was so scared, he can't even think.

Not being able to look into his lover's eyes anymore, he broke his glare and looked away. His anger are taking control of him. Not wanting to hurt his lover, he step up and out of the room, leaving the crying Hyungshik. He didn't even spare a glance to his lover before exiting the room, not even spare any time to take his coat or sweater.

Hyungshik heard a loud bang. Means that Heechul went out. He pull his legs to his chest and cried.

Heechul knew.

His heart ached. And that just fucking hurts.


A/N: Whoaaa TT_TT I want to cry when my laptop suddenly died after I updated the story sooo much dfsadvhvasjbvfh just because my charger is being a complete bitch. I didn't put on the battery that time so when it died, ahhh everything is just.. gone like that. The pain of using notepad and not Words. Dang. This should be longer but ahh I can't remember what did I write before

so... I'm sorry if this sucks =[
This is starting to get really long Dx means there will be more chapters. ahh, I'm so sorry for that.

My exam starts Monday next week. This is my final exam for my final semester. WISH ME LUCK!!!! TT_TT

BTW updates will only be written AFTER my exams ended. TT-TT

Means I'm in HIATUS for now Dx

Nov. 19th, 2010

shikkie ohhh

1. Your name and what does it mean

My real name is Nur Nabilah.

Nur means Light. Nabilah means The Smart One. Which all added means, The Light of The Smart One. Or, if I'm not mistaken, means The Bright One? haha.

But the thing is, I'm not that smart or bright so I guess I didn't go by my name ToT Which is sad, really. I wish I'm smart. Then, my life probably will be easier and gone smoother.

By the way, the Ila originated from Nabilah. haha. In case you didn't notice ;]

(the list of questions/topics)

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